I hope someone else has a circus animal at a party tonight. That was really classy and great last week.

Kyle wanders into “Paul’s Night of Beauty.” I don’t want to know what that is either, but they tell me anyway. Paul has a night where he pumps the ladies of Los Angeles with poisons and stuff to make them look younger. (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t take.)

Kyle isn’t having any Botulism injected into her face, but she does have a treatment done on her love handles. She also thinks she’s the first person to ever call that fat area “love handles.” (She isn’t.)

Paul tells us a disgusting story about fat and what he’s doing to Kyle. I don’t need to know this. I’m sick. In other news, what’s up with Paul’s facial hair? I hate it. 

I feel like this muffin top laser therapy is fake, but I’m no doctor.

VANDERPUMP comes in looking for Kyle but accidentally finds Bones Magoo. They giggle and talk like they don’t hate each other. Then VANDERPUMP tells her to eat. “I have a genetically thin face,” Bones tells us. But what about those sharp bones that puncture fabric? Is that also genetic? 

VANDERPUMP isn’t even there to have any work done. She’s just there to judge them mostly. She really is my kind of broad. 

Kim attempts to drive to Paul’s. I have no idea how she survives the ride because she doesn’t look at the road once. And her silk shirted arms spend the majority of the ride above her head. 

I hope that botulism doesn’t kill Bones Magoo. I also hope that I never see Bones have work done on camera ever again. 

Camille isn’t at the “party” because Kelsey has just asked for primary custody of their kids so she’s going to hang out in her hot tub or something. Also at the party, VANDERPUMP gets an email from creepy (now dead) Russell. He defends his marriage and his business. VANDERPUMP is confused as to why she got it. Cool it with the emails, Russell. (Oh…I guess you can’t cool it anymore. Or you’ve officially cooled it for good. I don’t know.)

Kim finally stumbles in. She announces that she’s moving, but she won’t tell anyone. She really doesn’t want Kyle to know. Then Kyle says she invited everyone to a seance, but Kim doesn’t want to go. First she says she’s scared that the ghosts will stay inside her. Then she decides it’s against her religion. Then VANDERPUMP does an outstanding impression of Kim. You are really talented, VANDERPUMP. 

Bones Magoo is the ugliest broad I’ve ever seen. When she comes out from having her entire face re-done VANDERPUMP asks her why Russell emailed her. Bones doesn’t have time to talk about it. You know, because she’s busy getting beat up by her husband and stuff. IT’S REAL TIME CONSUMING!

Kim heads back with Paul. When she heads back there Kyle, VANDERPUMP and Adrienne proceed to talk about what a weirdo Kim is. 

When Kim gets back with Paul he asks her what medication she’s on. He finally realizes that all of her medications are the reason she seems so drunk and stoned all the time. It’s super safe that she’s driving, what with the equilibrium issues and the drowsiness. Also with that silk turtleneck cutting off the circulation to her neck she’s a real menace on wheels. 

VANDERPUMP and Kyle do some fighting about Bones Magoo. Cool it, Kyle. Then Kyle and Adrienne head back to watch Kim get stuff injected into her face. Kyle shushes Kim and then Kim tells her that she’s not her mother. These two are annoying me. Kyle storms out and Kim gets her fake lips. He should have given her new skin. That face of hers is a mess.

I was wrong when I said Bones Magoo was the ugliest person I know. Kim Richards is. WHAT A MONSTER.

Over at Kyle’s house later in the week she’s preparing for the big seance at her house. For some reason she invites Brandi. God knows why anyone would want that hillbilly in their house. Taylor is the first to arrive to the seance. Kyle still has wet hair when Bones gets there. She only gets there early to complain about VANDERPUMP. Get a life, Bones. She claims VANDERPUMP is telling people that she (Bones) doesn’t have any friends. I kind of doubt she does have any. Kyle tells Bones she needs to stand up for herself. Bones says that VANDERPUMP scares her. Man up, bitch.

I wish Kyle had hired Allison Dubois to do this seance. She’s only my favorite electronic cigarette smoker of all time. This Rebecca character just doesn’t cut it. 

Why is Adrienne’s chef at Kyle’s? What kind of hobos share a chef?

VANDERPUMP isn’t really into the seance. She and the morally corrupt Faye Resnick embrace. 

All the other ladies arrive. Camille brings some giant named Elizabeth. 

This is one fancy seance. The room looks like the kind of room I’d like to take a bath in. 

The psychic first “finds” George, Adrienne’s father. Everyone is real choked up. No one else seems to think that the psychic just Googled Adrienne and found out who her father was. I COULD BE A REALLY GREAT PSYCHIC TO THESE BRAIN TRUSTS. 

Elsewhere in town(ish), Kim is still packing her terrible house. Then she shows her maid how to clean. That was a riveting scene to watch.

Back at Kyle’s seance, the psychic tells Brandi that she’s lucy to just have leg injury. Also something about good deeds. Then VANDERPUMP’S dead grandmother bursts into the room. (Spiritually, not physically.) VANDERPUMP is so pretty when she’s lit by candlelight. 

Rebecca tells Kyle that she was Kim’s mother in a past life. Kyle needs to cool it with the criticism and she has to just walk away sometimes. 

OK, I’m bored by this seance now.

The next day Kyle heads to the ghetto that is Kim’s neighborhood. She still doesn’t understand why her creep of a sister won’t tell her where she’s moving. Then Kim tells Kyle that she’s been dating someone for a year and they’re moving in together. Kim’s really excited and Kyle’s a real bitch about it. I mean I guess I’d be a bitch if my sister was keeping a secret boyfriend for a year [especially because I don’t have a sister]. Kyle has a breakdown. She tells Kim she doesn’t think she (Kim) really wants to do this. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW, KYLE? (Why am I mad at Kyle?) Kyle keeps trying to convince Kim that she isn’t actually happy.