I’m really not in the mood for this show. I’m kind of sick of it. Every week is the same. They fight at a party. 

The show opens with Kim introducing Kyle to her creepy boyfriend of one year. “Be a big girl,” Kim tells Kyle while leading her into this den of creep.

They discuss Kim’s big move. Kyle also notices that Ken is wearing a wedding band. This is the most awkward meeting I’ve ever been a part of. Kyle leaves to go cry. Kim and Ken do some hugging. Apparently Kim’s kids have told Kyle that Ken is controlling. Oh, we have another Russell on our hands? GREAT NEWS! Kyle claims she wants to be wrong about Ken, but I have a feeling she really hopes to be right. 

I’m really uncomfortable after that whole thing. 

Back in Beverly Hills, Adrienne and Paul pretend like they aren’t cash poor and wolf some food at Crustacean. “I’m more of a vegetarian,” Adrienne says. Does she know she’s at a seafood restaurant? Then they fight about what Adrienne is going to order. Paul wants to order for her since it’s his birthday. They continue to fight. They should just get divorced and split all the gold between them.

At dinner they discuss their concerns about Bones Magoo and the beatings Russell gives her. 

OK, I’ve had enough with Paul’s birthday dinner. Did nothing else happen this whole week? 

Kyle and Mauricio talk and giggle about rich people things. And also about Kim. Kyle fills him in on the whole Ken debacle. 

Taylor time! She’s been nominated for a Women Making a Difference award. (What kind of difference is she making?) Russell shows up and doesn’t even punch her. Adrienne, Camille and [my new favorite] Dana all show up to support Bones. Kyle arrives late and can’t find anyone so she asks VANDERPUMP where everyone is. VANDERPUMP has no idea what Kyle is talking about. What a bitch that stupid Bones Magoo is for not inviting VANDERPUMP. Kyle keeps telling everyone that she just made a mistake and told VANDERPUMP about the festivities she wasn’t invited to attend. WHY DOES ANYONE THINK VANDERPUMP WOULD CARE? If I were her I’d be more upset if I had been invited. 

Apparently VANDERPUMP does care. She’s hurt by the snub. The other broads spend the rest of the awards ceremony discussing why VANDERPUMP wasn’t invited. Dana tells her she did the right thing. Then she slaughters a fox and makes it into a coat. 

Later VANDERPUMP is teaching the help how to serve tea at her tea party. All the other broads arrive to celebrate nothing. VANDERPUMP loves pink crap covered in diamonds almost as much as Adrienne loves crap covered in gold. 

The tea party takes a real depressing turn when they all start talking to Camille about her custody issues. I’M STILL NOT COMFORTABLE WITH KYLE AND CAMILLE’S NEW RELATIONSHIP. 

Why are the ladies all jammed onto one tiny couch?

Then they gossip about the email that Russell sent all the ladies. He sent them an article about Bones Magoo’s use of diet pills. WHY IS WAS RUSSELL SUCH A CREEP? 

Bones Magoo arrives unfashionably late. Although not as late as Kim. (Kim never arrives.)

Since Bones is now at the party they all decide to gossip about Kim and her new boyfriend. VANDERPUMP calls Kim to see if she’s coming. Of course she isn’t. Why is she still being invited to things? 

VANDERPUMP decides to make it super uncomfortable by telling Bones how upset she is that she didn’t get an invitation to yesterday’s awards ceremony. Bones starts pointing her skeleton finger at VANDERPUMP and tells her to cool it. Bones tells VANDERPUMP that she’s sick of her (VANDERPUMP) always cutting her off when she tries to speak. Get a life Taylor. Eat a big sandwich and get a life. No one likes you. I hate when Taylor cries more than I hate when Farrah Abraham cries. All of her bones protrude from her face and her lips nearly pop. (I WISH RUSSELL’S DEATH WOULD HAVE BEEN A MURDER SUICIDE INVOLVING BONES.)

This is the worst tea party I’ve ever been to.

This is neither here nor there, but I hope my rack looks as magnificent in a dress as VANDERPUMP’S when I’m that old.

The tea party takes an even worse turn when Kyle agrees that VANDERPUMP’s ego has gotten so huge. Bones Magoo is a real asshole about VANDERPUMP’s iPad screensaver. Then Bones storms out and finds Paul behind the mansion gates and bitches about how she’s the only one being honest about VANDERPUMP. Why is Paul just standing outside VANDERPUMP’s house? 

All the other ladies continue to talk about Taylor now that she’s gone. Adrienne’s shirt looks like a giant blue parachute. Everyone seems to agree that they think Russell beats the hell out of Taylor.

Taylor has the ugliest profile on a human being that I’ve ever seen. She looks exactly like those skeletons hanging in science classrooms. 

For some reason Taylor decides to head back into the tea party. THAT MAKES SENSE. Then the ladies (led by Camille) decide that this is an intervention. They’re going to help Bones escape Russell. Bones, of course, tries to turn it all back to VANDERPUMP. COOL IT, IDIOTS. Let’s talk more about Taylor’s beatings. 

Then Camille goes crazy and announces that Russell broke Taylor’s jaw. AND THEN THE SHOW ENDED WHEN IT WAS FINALLY GETTING GOOD!