I want to go on record as saying Tuesday is my least favorite day of the week. This recapping comes easy to same people, I am not one of them. On Monday I start dreading PLL’s because I know I must have my recap finished sometime on Tuesday. I would rather spend the day having people use my face as their ashtray then do this, but I love my daughter so here I go again.  

We start the episode minus one pretty little liar and plus one handsome little lair. Spencer, Emily, Aria and Caleb are gathered around the computer looking at what Caleb with his boy-wonder skills has discovered. I’m not sure where they are, but as usual it is so frigging dark, my eyes are bleeding trying to see what is going on. Please—writers or whoever- let there be light. The scare factor will still be there. I love when Spencer asks Caleb if he can make the video any lighter—now you know how we feel, bitches! Caleb is getting annoyed with the girls telling him what to do and tells them he is not talking requests. You go hunk-a-hunk-of-burning-love! Don’t let them run all over you—they need you more than you need them. He really should quit school and work for one of the governments alphabet units. I say, CIA might be his calling.   While Caleb is trying to get the video brighter and bigger, poor little Hanna is desperately seeking her Susan’s. She tries Emily, then Aria, then Caleb and finally, Spencer. I am confused about the order of the calls. I would have gone for Caleb first. All hit ignore except Spencer. She takes the call even as she is saying, “I guess we all know who is low man on the totem pole.” Maybe if you weren’t so preachy and judgmental you wouldn’t be the last go to. Spencer is lying about being with her family. Why didn’t she just say Santa or the Easter Bunny was over since they are as real as her family? Anyway, Hanna hears Emily and Aria in the background and knows she is being left out. Poor Hanna. At least she doesn’t know Caleb is with them. Spencer says she has to go and Hanna says she gets it say hi to your “family” for me. Mother Surperior Spencer scolds Emily and Aria—who died and left Spencer in charge? Caleb has just about had all he can take of these three—Hanna look like a walk in the park to him about now. In trying to calm them down, he calls them ladies but you can tells ladies is not the word he is thinking. Back to the video, they see a fake ID in the box Officer Garrett had last week. At first they think it’s Jenna but when Caleb enlarged it they realized it’s Allison with dark hair. What? Why? This is when the Exorcist head spinning comes in. They say Allison already had a fake ID that looked like her why would need one that didn’t even look like her? Another mystery. Cue the theme music. I wish just one week it would be ‘Tubular Bells.’ (The Exorcist theme.) 

Caleb has escaped the pretty little nut cases, I’m sure he is somewhere calming his nerves with a bit of weed. He’ll have to cut that out when he joins the CIA. Emily is rushing off to met Maya, nice of them to let Emily have a little fun two weeks in a row. Spencer thinks she and Aria will have a pity party since they are both (or so she thinks) lacking boyfriends. Aria says sorry she can’t stay because she has plans with Holden. (Code for Ezra.) Spencer gives it another try and brings up Ezra dumping Aria…Sorry not going to work. Ezra and Aria are hot and heavy, she’s lying to all of you. Does any one know why Aria is keeping the Ezra things a secret from her girls? Spencer says she has not talked to Toby. She has however, been sitting in his truck.  She is not as dead inside as I had thought. She is crying—real tears. Who knew she had tears?  Back to sitting in his truck—creepy—I am thinking she has a blow up doll named Toby that she is making out with in the truck since that seems to be all the truck was ever used for. 

Aria and Ezra are just driving around. Why not roll the windows down and scream look at us?  Aria is feeling bad about keeping their relationship a secret from her homies. I’m still not sure why they are doing that. They are having quite the make out session while driving. A wreck would also be a good way to keep the secret. These two are not thinking with the upper part of their bodies. In Ezra’s defense, he has looked at the road a few times. Poor sad Hanna has been reduced to spending the evening sitting at the kitchen table talking to her mom. Ashley needs to take some money out of the pasta box and pay the light bill. I think they would all feel better if they had some contact with the sun or any kind of lighting. They all seems to be suffering from seasonal affective disorder. These two are having a pity party about Mr. Marin and his new family moving back to Rosewood. Ashley tells Hanna she is not looking forward to running into them either but they have to take the high road or they will look like trash. I think that ship has sailed. I could make a list but I don’t think it’s necessary. Hanna promises to do everything she can to make Kate feel welcome at school. I think we all know that will not go well.  

Day two- School—Hanna is stressing out about Kate’s arrival. She’s also a little pissy with the other liars because she knows they have been lying to her. Doesn’t she know that is that name of the show? Aria is dressed for a ski trip, Emily and Hanna are in sleeveless summer clothing and this takes the cake—Spencer is in winter clothing but as Hanna puts it, “Are you wearing a dude’s undershirt?” She is indeed wearing Toby’s undershirt.  I bet it is dirty and smelly like Toby always looks. Speaking of looking like trash. Spencer tells the girls to stop looking at her likes she is one of those dogs with wheels for legs. Emily tells them her mom is coming tomorrow and she is so excited. Why? That women is a mean beast.  I guess she is just thankful her father isn’t coming. Just as they sit down for the breakfast they never eat, Kate walks up. She looks like she might be wearing a uniform for a preppy school.  She introduces herself to Hanna’s friends. Spencer seems to think they have met before but Kate says only at the wedding. Spencer has that dog with a bone look you just know she’s not going to let that go. Hanna and Kate leave for a class. On the way Hanna gets a text, “Call off your techno-boy-toy or I tell the cops what your mom keeps in the lasagna box. A.’

Once Hanna leaves, the other little liars have a chance to talk about Allison’s fake ID. Was it so she could date Ian or a way to get closer to “A” without “A” knowing it was Allison? I think “A” could probably see through a brown wig but that’s just me.  Before they can go any further Hanna comes back. She tells the girls about the text and asked if they think Caleb still has the video file. They all say no—LIARS!! Then scatter like rats. Before Spencer can get away Hanna confronts her about why she is being shut of of the group. Hanna thinks they are mad at her for destroying the flash drive. She says she did it to protect Caleb and she would have done it for any of them.  

Emily and Maya are in a room I have never seem. I guess maybe at Maya’s house. They look to be on a bed but it could be a sleeper sofa. Hard to tell. It’s dark, of course. It is also night and I know this because unlike most of the other homes in Rosewood, this room has windows.   Emily is telling Maya how sad she is about not being able to celebrate with the swim team. I guess they won something. Emily may be sad about the swim team but she looks very happy to be with Maya. Just as the kissing starts, Emily gets a call from her mother. Maya wants to know if her mom still hates her. Emily tells her she never hated Maya just hated Emily liking girls.  Maya is not so sure of that she says she will believe it when she sees it. Then, the make out session is back on.

Day 3 -school again, go figure. The four little liars and Kate are having lunch and Spencer is integrating  Kate like she works for Homeland security. She is determined to find out where she knows Kate from. Kate denies everything Spencer asks her, but I get the feeling Kate knows what Spencer is after. Maybe if Spencer wasn’t wearing that ridiculous newsboy cap Kate would be able to answer her questions. I know I am detracted by it. Who dresses these girls? Emily is wearing a top my mother-in-law had when she was in her 80’s. Wasn’t pretty then isn’t pretty now!  The other girls try to change the subject but Spencer can’t give it a rest. Kate has had enough and leaves. Pretty but empty headed Hanna tells Spencer to stop giving Kate the fourth degree. Smarty pants Spencer says it’s the third degree. Hanna says whatever stop giving her the degrees. The others are having a hard time holding back the laughter. Can’t blame them for that.  

Emily finds a note on her locker—have you missed me.  Just as she starts the head spinning her mom walks up.  The notes from her.  She wants to take Emily and the girls out to dinner.  Emily says her friends have plans.  Her mom asked of she has someone special she would like to invite.  Emily says yes Maya is back.  Mom looks none to happy about Maya being back but covers pretty well and says bring her it will give her another opportunity to get to know Maya. 

It’s an episode full of school. No real classes of course but still they are at school. They all have gym class together—even Kate. Kate is having trouble with her locker combination so Spencer takes this opportunity to have private words with her. Spencer tells Kate she remembers where she knows her from. It seems Melissa was Kate’s counselor at a Horse Ranch in 2006. At first Kate denies it but then she comes clean.  Kate finally says “I’m exactly who you think I am, what is it going to take for you to keep this to yourself?” Spencer says she won’t tell anyone but if Kate isn’t nice to Hanna she will show people a picture Melissa sent her from camp that year.  Kate seems upset by all of this. I’m confused. I know I have some ugly pictures out there, but I am not afraid of them. There has to more to this story. If she has a sex tape her mother could release it and then she would be famous—so I don’t get it.  

Time for dinner with Emily, Maya and Emily’s mom. This should be good. Already Maya is flirting with a guy and the guy is Noel. That one gets around. Emily looks a bit confused. She knows about the guy Maya was with when she and Maya were on a break. Anyone think it might have been Noel? Maya says he was helping her with an app on her phone. As they make their way to their table, we move to Aria and Holden on their fake date. Their fake date turns into a real date. Both admit their plans got canceled so they get a pizza and play a few games of air hockey.  

Back to the most uncomfortable dinner of all time.  can’t decide if Maya is nervous or just trying to say things to shock Emily’s mom. After a few pot references she get a phone call and then proceeds to say it is just a guy she dated that can’t get over her. Emily looks like she wants to die and her mom looks like she might be thinking about Maya’s death. I say it’s a good thing Emily’s mom doesn’t live there—those two are oil and water.  

Spencer and Hanna are having a movie night. Hanna is obsessing about Kate. Spencer tells Hanna she has nothing to worry about because she has picture of Kate that Kate does not want people so see. After looking at the picture of Kate and getting a good laugh, she sees the picture of the fake ID on Spencer’s phone. Busted!! Spencer tells Hanna about Caleb coming to them after Hanna destroyed the flash drive. Hanna storms out says, “The whole time I worried about Kate backstabbing me I didn’t realize that you were holding the knife.” In fairness, it wasn’t just Spencer. Back to the uncomfortable dinner. Mom went to pay the bill. Don’t they usually bring the bill to the table? Anyway when she leaves Emily lets Maya know she was not happy with Maya’s behavior. They have a pretty ugly fight both having good points. I’m crazy about Emily but I just not sure I trust Maya.

We now see why Ezra has to cancel his plans with Aria. He is at a meeting with a bunch of old professors. One of the professors tells Ezra he is up for an associate dean position at a school in Louisiana. Seems the job is his if he wants it and the best part is Byron (as in Aria’s dad) has really pushed him for the job. He must let them know in a few days. Byron is such a jerk. I could really do without him. 

Hanna and Caleb have a heart to heart. She tells him about the money problems they were having and about her mom taking the money from the bank. She says she has never told anyone except him but that someone knows and is blackmailing her. He says he will never tell anyone. He wants to know who it is and she says she doesn’t know but it’s their phone he is working on. Caleb goes to Jenna’s to confront her about Hanna. She’s not there but as he’s leaving Officer Garrett comes speeding up. He is acting crazy and I’m pretty sure that one is on steroids because he always has a bad case of ‘roid rage.’ He keeps making sure Caleb sees he has a gun and as he leaves he pretends he is going to run over Caleb. I wish Caleb had grabbed that gun and killed him. I don’t think I’m alone when I say, Rosewood would be a better place without officer Garrett.

Spencer comes over to Hanna’s to apologize for having Caleb work with them. Spencer says “A” has taken everything form her and she can’t lose Hanna too. Hanna forgives her, they hug and them start talking about the fake ID. Hanna tells Spencer she has seen Allison with dark hair.  She flashes back a few years to a hair salon her mom had sent her to. She said a person with brown hair was in the chair next to her and the stylist called her Ms. Darkbloom. Vivenne Darkbloom was the name she was using. When Allison recognized her voice Allison admitted it was her and said she liked to pretend to be someone else because she gets bored with her ordinary life. She told Hanna she does it alot and took off the brown wig. Spencer says the name of the fake ID has to be Vivenne Darkbloom so she googles the name. Turns out Vivenne Darkbloom is an anagram for author Vladimir Nabokov who wrote one of Allison favorite books.  Hanna borrowed Allison’s copy of the book before she died. As the girls thumb through it, a claim ticket from J & L falls out.  

Emily goes over to Maya’s to apologize for the fight the night before. I think Maya should have been the one to make the first move but all ends well so who cares who made the first move.    Emily tells Maya she worried abut having double the competition because Maya is into girls and boys. Maya tells her she is just into her. Maya tells Emily she loves her and Emily say she loves Maya.  

Spencer calls the number on the claim ticket and they tell Spencer “It’s a miracle but I actually still have it.” He says, “When would you like to pick it up Mrs. Darkbloom?”  I am guessing it is a claim ticket for a coat but thats just a guess. Why Spencer didn’t rush right over is a mystery to me but she went to school. Go figure. Something is up at school but Hanna doesn’t know what it is. Spencer, Emily and Aria confront her about thinking she was going to take the high road with Kate. She doesn’t have a clue what they are talking about until they show her their phone.  The picture of Kate from camp and nude picture of her now was sent from Hanna’s phone to everyone in her address book. It said “Before and After: From boil n’baggies to boring bitch.” Daddy is not going to be happy with Hanna. Is it just me or does everyone think Hanna should grab Caleb and run while the running’s good? Now that the picture Spencer was holding over Kate is out she will be hell on wheels out to get Hanna.  

“A” is not done yet… As we close, the black gloved one is picking the lock on a drawer in Peter Hastings desk. He/she takes a gun from the drawer. The black gloved one always looks different.  Sometimes the hand looks big like a man, but tonight it looked smaller, more like a woman. We didn’t see Jenna tonight unless that hand was hers, but it looks like she is back in full force next week.  The school is going to be on a lock in to find the truth. Here’s hoping Jack Nicholson shows up to say, “You can’t handle the truth.”  That would make my day.  

Who do you think is going to get shot?  If someone has to die I hope it’s Officer Garrett. It better not be my boyfriend Caleb. It could be one of the parents—God knows they don’t make much of an impact of anyone. 

Until the lock in—Got a secret can you keep it?