It’s just another day at Rosswood High.  Three weeks in a row the girls have gone to school. Please don’t confuse going to class with being in the building.  No one has had an actual class since Mr. Fitz taught sex education.  There are some trolls roaming the halls, I guess they can’t all be pretty little liars.  I picked a great place to pause one of the “students” is closer to my age than high school age and lets just say my yesterdays out number my tomorrows.  And don’t get me started on her friend, also a little long in the tooth and speaking of teeth she could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence with those buck teeth and I’m not a dermatologist but she needs to have that giant mole on her chest looked at.  I can’t wait to get back to the pretty girls.  The PLL’s are gathered around Spencer’s locker, discussing meeting up with Jonah, the guy they discovered from the claim ticket.  The girls want to know how Spencer got the $2,000.00 and she says from a family member. So sweet she already thinks of Jason as a family member.  Maybe he can be the family she never had.  Everyone at school except the PLLs are dressed for winter, coats, sweaters, scarf’s but our girls, all except Spencer, look like they might be headed to a S&M convention.  Too much cleavage for school.  I’m pretty sure Aria is wearing a dog collar.  Emily is not too happy to find out only Spencer and Aria will be meeting the guy. As Emily is stating her case for going with them Spencer cuts her off as only Spencer can. The bitch has spoken—off with your head. I think Emily is going to cry, her emotions are raw right now (Maya). Maybe Spencer could be a bit less bitchy.  Hanna is in Hanna-land and as far as I can tell she doesn’t even know what they are talking about.  Mona comes up to finalize the mall plans with Hanna who, of course, doesn’t remember they were going.  She tells Mona her mom needs her and they can go tomorrow. Looks like Mona is going to be “A’s” target this week.  As Hanna blows her off she gets a text—Hanna’s Mommy saved her ass, who’s gonna save your?-A. Poor Mona, no friends and now A wants a piece of her.  

 At the Marin home Officer Wilden has stopped by to ask Hanna a few more questions. I think he still has a thing for Ashley and like daughter like mother—she is showing all the cleavage modern medicine gave her.  She makes him leave without speaking to Hanna.  Words of advice to Ashley,  creeps will leave you alone if you start wearing sweats and you will be oh so much more comfortable.  Throw away those spanx put the soft clothes on, grab a bag or two of chips and veg out to a day of the Kardashian girls doing everything and everybody.  

The prodigal daughter has returned.  Just what we need more doom and gloom. Spencer tells Melissa that Jason is their half brother.  She takes it pretty well.  Spencer tells her she thinks Allison knew.  Melissa wants to know if anyone else knows. When Spencer says no Melissa says lets keep it that way.  Emily is desperately trying to get in touch with Maya. I will say again I think their is more to Maya than meets the eye.  I don’t trust her at all.  Paige thinks maybe she can help Emily get over Maya.  She invites Emily to help her with the fundraiser.  Emily agrees to help maybe because Paige is looking much better since coming out.  I almost didn’t recognize her.

It seems Mona was able to shop and shoplift without Hanna.  She is at Hanna’s house showing all the dresses, trying to get Hanna to help her decide what to wear to the party. Hanna is not at all interested until Mona gets another text that upsets her.  She tells Hanna that she has been getting texts about Hanna’s mom and her involvement with Officer Wilden.  Now she has Hanna’s attention!  Meanwhile, Spencer and Aria are meeting with Jonah. He’s not happy Aria didn’t come alone. Tough girl Spencer says she has the money.  There’s a little back and forth “mine are bigger than yours” between Spencer and Jonah (Spencer really should have been a man) before Aria grabs the money from Spencer and gives it to Jonah.  He gives them a piece of paper with only an address on it.  They chase after him for a name but he says that is all he has and that Vivian was happy with it.  He says the text came from a burner phone so all he could get was the address.  They Google it. It’s only 20 minutes away so off they go. They have to put that plan on hold because as they are leaving they see creepy Garrett has been stalking them.  He is just sitting there in that God awful car wanting them to see he is watching them.  I think we all know they wouldn’t have gone anyway, it’s not the middle of the night yet. I’m guessing checking out the mystery address  will require the dead of night and maybe rain.  I’ll let you know when we get there.  

Ella shows Aria the note that was left on Byron’s car.  She asks Aria if she knows who A might be.  Aria says no which technically isn’t a lie.  Now might be a good time to share at least some of your secrets Aria.  Ella decides to go down memory lane and tells Aria that the letter she received about Byron’s affair was also from “A”. Good times Ella, you should have let her have him.  Ella tells Aria not to worry she and Byron will look into it.  Good luck with that!  I don’t think those two could find their way out of a paper bag.  We are back at school, just the building, Emily and Paige are pleased with all the money they raised.  Paige says they make a good team—I think she still has the hots for Emily.  She tells Emily she came out to her parents.  Emily is happy for her.  She tells Emily she was able to do it because of Emily.  Emily is looking all nervous because Paige is very much in her space.  I see a kiss coming,  I think Emily also sees it.  Saved by a text.  Not “A” this time it’s an S.O.S. from Hanna.  Hanna called other liars over to tell them about the text Mona got from “A” and about her mother sleeping with Officer Wilden to protect her from shoplifting charges.  Side note to my daughter—don’t shoplift—I don’t have the body to get you off.  Hanna tells the PLL’s she didn’t tell Mona anything about the texts they have been getting but that she feel like she should.  Aria decides to come clean about her secrets.  She tells Spencer and Emily about the letters her parents have gotten from “A”.  This also outs her about still seeing Ezra.  Mean girl Spencer goes on one of her rages.  If she can’t have Toby then Aria shouldn’t be able to have Ezra.  I wish she would get over herself.  While downstairs getting food Hanna gets an email from Caleb. I hope this means we are going to get to see his beautiful face soon.  A day without Caleb for me is like a day without abusing a women for Chris Brown.  She calls the others down to see what it says.  It’s more of the video of the last night in Allison’s bedroom.  They think they are about to see Allison’s murder when Melissa bursts through the door demanding to know “where is she”.  Linda Blair would have been proud of the head spinning, it would have been a nice touch to have Spencer throw up slip pea soup.  To say the poop hit the fan would be an understatement.  Aria, Emily and Hanna want to take the video to the police. Spencer says she is not going to be so quick to send her pregnant sister to prison.  Hanna says she will.  Aria reminds her that Melissa has lied to her so many times, why should she tell the truth now? Even Emily is piling it on.  It looks like “A” might finally be getting her wish. They are really turning on each. Spencer begs for one night to talk to Melissa.  They begrudgingly  give her a day.  

Back at the Marin house Mona comes storming into Hanna’s bedroom with a copy of the police report from when Hanna was caught shoplifting.  ”A” sent it to Mona threatening to turn Mona in for shoplifting the necklace she took earlier in this episode if she doesn’t give the police report to the Rosewood newspaper.  She has until the morning to decide what to do. Mona thinks maybe it is just some kind of sick joke. Hanna tells her it’s not a joke that she has been getting texts for “A” and that the other girls have also.  She tells Mona she doesn’t know who is doing it.  Mona wants to know what “A” has done to Hanna.  Hanna wants tell her, but makes it clear it is not a joke. So much drama tonight.  For some reason we now find Spencer in a bar.  I guess that is where she and Melissa are going to talk.  What better place?  She started with a coffee but soon found a tray of shots, this should get good.  The “I’m so proper” Spencer even let out a little burp after the shot.  There might be a fun bone in her body yet. While Melissa didn’t show up, Wren did.  Spencer tells him she is waiting for Melissa so buzz off.  Just then she sees Melissa walking to the door, then a horn blows and Melissa turns around and gets in the car with—-wait for it—-Garrett.  Is he everything to everybody?  Spencer asks why would she get in the car with Garrett she hardly knows him.  Wren tells her Melissa has brought Garrett to her OBGYN appointments. GROSS on so many levels.  Melissa sends Spencer a text saying her class ran late.  Yet another lie from sister dearest. More shots for Spencer.  

Ashley comes home from a long day of breaking into old ladies safety deposit boxes (just kidding) to find the police report under some of Hanna’s things. Her life really does suck.  While she is probably thinking about taking a giant bottle of zanax with some cheap malt liquor so she can take a dirt nap, the PLLs (minus hammered Spencer) are off to the address the $2,000.00 got them.  As predicted earlier, it is of course dark and scary looking, but I was wrong about the thunder storm.  When Aria takes a letter out of the mail slot sirens go off and an old man comes out screaming at them.   They run for their lives.  

Toby who?  A very drunk Spencer has gone home with Wren.  Does he know how old she is?  They both talk about how messed up they are and then start making out.  They are cute together but I’m pretty sure Wren could get his own mug shot for this. Spencer is trying her best to take advantage of Wren but he takes the high road and tells her he is very into her but she is drunk so basically it’s not going to happen tonight.  

The letter Aria got from the mail slot is addressed to a law firm so Aria and Hanna are going to try to find out something about the law firm while Emily goes out to get them all something to eat.  As she’s leaving Emily runs into Paige. Emily breaks down, telling Paige about the fight with Maya and that she hasn’t talked to her since.  Paige tells Emily that she needs to see that is who Maya is. When things get tough Maya bails. She tells Emily that Emily needs someone she can count on.  Emily hugs Paige as a thank you for the kind words and Paige goes in for the kiss.  Too soon Paige. Emily pushes her away and leaves.  

Mona tells Hanna she didn’t take the police report to the paper, instead she took the necklace back to the store she took it from.  They called the police and she now has to do community service.  She says she couldn’t hurt her best friend and her mother. Who knew they were besties?  Anyway, Mona came through for them.  Later at lunch Mona unwraps an apple that has a note from “A”—-“you didn’t bite the first time but you will—A”.  Mona shows the note to Hanna, this gets Mona an invitation to eat at the liars table.  I can’t decide if I think this is for real or if Mona is setting them up.  

Ashley goes to confront Officer Wilden about sending the police report. Now he’s afraid.  He didn’t send it.  He wants to know how she got it .  She says she found it in Hanna’s things.  He says if all this comes out he could lose his job.  I think Hanna might have to come clean with her mom now.  The group of knowers keeps getting bigger.  Emily is still leaving messages for Maya. Soon Emily will be getting the “this mail box is full” message.  Give it a rest, Emily.

Ezra has returned from his out of town job interview set up by Aria’s douchebag father. He tells Aria they offered him the job and despite loving her he thinks he should take it. Cue the music—can’t help falling in love. He says hiding their relationship is not working and they know that Byron is on to them.  Basically he is breaking up with her but still loves her very much. Well good- that takes the sting out of it.  Aria does the Oprah ugly cry while Ezra doesn’t shed a tear.  Back at home Ella sees Aria crying and wants to know why.  Aria spills it all.  Ezra is leaving, you and dad got your way.  He is taking the job dad set up for him.  Ella says she doesn’t know what Aria is talking about.  Aria doesn’t believe her.  Aria storms out saying you are losing me. Wait, what happened? I thought they broke up but here we are in Ezra’s apartment having dinner. I guess the break up doesn’t take effect until he moves.  Knock, knock, who’s there?  Ella is at Ezra’s door.  Aria wants to know if she followed her there and if she is going to pull her home by her hair.  I would love to see that, but we’ll have to wait for another episode.  She is there to listen.  The ex-Mr. Swank is not going to be happy about this. 

Melissa finally shows up while Spencer is looking at the tape of Melissa in Allison’s room.  Melissa doesn’t see the video.  Spencer tells her she knows she lied to her and that she saw her get into Garrett’s car. Melissa says she will explain everything but needs to do it away from their house.  Mom and Dad can’t hear it-who is she trying to fool? Mom and dad are never there.  She tells Spencer she tried to tell her something at Ian’s funeral but couldn’t because their parents couldn’t know it but she needs to tell Spencer now.  Am I the only one thinking Ian might still be alive?  Spencer seems a little afraid to go with her but she does.  She grabs her purse but leaves her phone on the desk.  That could be a mistake.  That is the last we see of Spencer this week.  

We close at the Marin home.  Ashley sees the letter Aria took from the address they got from Jonah.  Hanna says it was delivered there by mistake.  That was one weak lie for a pretty little liar. Ashley says that’s odd that is the law firm she used for the divorce.  Hanna asked why she used a law firm so far away, did she know someone there?  Yes, she did.  Melissa was an intern that summer.  The plot thickens.  Maybe Spencer should not have gone with Melissa. While this is going on upstairs Emily is answering the door to a cop.  It’s very dramatic, the cops say Emily Fields? She says yes. The cop says I need to talk to you  about what he says Maya whatever her last name is. Scary music, drums beating eyes popping out of Emilys head.  What to think? Has something happened to Maya?  Is Emily a suspect or is she the person the cops tell the bad news to?  Maybe they cops found Maya’s phone and saw the 4815162342 calls from Emily and want to know if she has OCD or if she is just a lover of Lost.  Who knows, just another question.  We did finally see the gun that was taken from Mr. Hastings desk a few weeks ago.  The black gloved one was taking target practice and the bad news is he/she is an excellent shot.  The other bad news is that we didn’t see Caleb tonight.  I need my Caleb fix every week. Please, if only for a few brief moments!!

That’s all folks—-until next week—-Got a secret, can you keep it?