I’ve discovered a new show. Fly Girls. About sluts at 35,000 feet. There is one (the blonde) with a voice of a 12 year old. It’s high pitched. Which means she was molested.
The Asian is really excited about an event with Snoop Dog that Virgin America is sponsoring. I’m obviously really excited, too. The Asian is totally going to bang Snoop. I’m excited about that, too. The brunette gets really upset that The Asian didn’t invite her to the party so she invites herself. Brunettes are losers. No wonder no one ever invites us anywhere.
The Black one is bitchy. She gets mad at a passenger about luggage/being a straggler/having enough money to travel without being paid by the airline. It’s nearly a brawl in the purple-lit aisles of the Virgin plane. Black is pissed. Don’t cross a black lady. I learned that the hard way.
High Pitch meets her ex-boyfriend. It’s awkward. Like they don’t know each other. Her boyfriend is a nerdy Jewish fellow who uses the word rad. They both keep apologizing for the awkwardness of “last time.” Why are neither of them apologizing to me for the awkwardness of this time?
The Black gets scolded by The Blonde for some sort of baggage debacle. I bet the blonde bangs the pilots in the cockpit. Blondes are whores. The Black starts talking all…black and storms off the plane. (By this point it’s reached it’s destination.)
The Asian is an unusually large fan of Snoop. Turns out Nikole (that’s right, a k) had a “Vegas scandal” but no one goes into detail. I’ll google it later because I’m now more interested in that than the show. Snoop is a terrible performer. Nikole wants to talk. Because this is the venue to do it. Snoop’s “performing” in the back and these sluts are bickering. The Asian storms off. There is a lot of storming off on this show. Nikole feels “alone and isolated.” I hope she doesn’t kill herself. She’s also wearing soft clothes. So she wins some points with me on that one because I love wearing soft clothes outside of the house.
Rad claims he missed Molestee while she was “on tour.” I am officially confused (this happens nearly every time I watch a show these days). Tour? She’s a stewardess. Rad wants her to move to New York to try to make things work despite the fact that they aren’t even friends. Good plan. That ALWAYS makes sense and works.
The Black gets a voicemail about being a huge bitch to a passenger. She rushes back home to scream at her cohort who obviously “snitched” (her word) on her. She opens with, “This is how you do me?” Come again? What does that even mean? (I mostly hang out with white people.)
Turns out Blondie/Farrah/Poor Man’s Kate Hudson didn’t snitch. A passenger complained. The Black feels bad and is going to apologize. I’ve never seen this happen on a reality show. It’s a real breath of fresh air.
Turns out the “Vegas scandal” was Nikole banging someone other than her boyfriend. That’s shocking. I’d never have guessed that. She also blames her being a slut on her mother being a lesbian. I do the same thing, Nikole.
This show is so fast paced. I’m exhausted from the last 23 minutes.