Tonight’s episode picks up where we left off last week… Spencer has lied her pretty little way out of Garrett’s car and the four of them are now sitting in a dark car trying to make 2 + 2 equal 102. Too many questions, too little brain power. Spencer’s still shaking from her fight with Garrett but “all about me”  Hanna just wants the heat turned on as she says, “It’s so cold back here you could make a slushie.” Now I can’t stop thinking about how much I would love a slushie. Who doesn’t love a slushie? (Especially if you can get one just the right consistency.) 

They are trying their best to figure out why Garrett would have Jenna’s pottery project. Hanna thinks they’re neighbors and that it’s not odd for him to have it, Really? Aria says she is pretty sure he didn’t buy it at the blind artists craft fair. She can be funny sometimes, I don’t think they have a blind artists craft fair. There are a few digs about Aria’s “cat burglar” brother all in good fun of course. Then a car drives up. Who is it? DUH it’s your main topic of conversation—Garrett. Why is he here? Where is he going? He’s going into Jenna’s house, you stupid little liars—he’s parked in front of her house. (You girls are never going to get any answers if this one has you puzzled.) You should see the head spinning and crazy eyes, Linda Blair has nothing on you four. Garrett being the top notch cop he is doesn’t even notice the car with four little pretties parked in it. To be honest they did half-way duck down while doing the head spinning  and crazy eyes. I don’t know if it was just my TV but  all their lips tuned a beautiful shade of purple. It was especially unattractive on Aria, purple is not on her color wheel. Garrett goes into Jenna’s house and the girls while trying not to be noticed, all get out of the car and of course slam all the car doors. I’m not sure why they feel they need to be out of the car, but it is a TV show. Emily asks Hanna if she can walk quicker and she responds, “Jenna can’t hear us—she’s blind”. Hanna gets the best lines!  Just as the girls are hiding in the bushes, Jenna opens the drapes, takes off her glasses and looks right at them. I screamed but luckily they didn’t. What happens next is really creepy. Jenna takes off her robe to reveal a stunning black nightie and Garrett is man-handling her. We have seen them together so no biggie but imagine the surprise the four little pretties got. I can’t decide if Jenna and Garrett wanted them to see them or if they are exhibitionists. I know when I have gentleman callers over we always stand in front of the windows for all the world to see, but that’s just me.   

Day two, Emily is exercising and in pain. Hanna points out that she has been using lots of pain cream.  That’s a clue. Remember “A” injecting something last week? Seems it was Emily’s pain cream. More on that later. Daddy comes down for breakfast, Hanna and Emily pretend they didn’t know he slept over.  Mommy is going through the mail, I wish I had their mail carrier. Mine not only doesn’t come before breakfast, he makes his own holidays. Hanna has a “Save-the-Date” card for Tom and Isabelle’s wedding?  The wedding is in 6 weeks. I can’t decide if Ashley is regretting rolling around in the sack with Tom or trying to figure out how quickly she can get to the sex shop to try win him back from the evil Isabella.    Spencer gets an early morning visitor. Wren arrives with flower pretending they are for Melissa. Spencer realizes he is really there to see her she tells him she has a boyfriend. She may want to re think that.  Doctor/ handyman? I’m going with the doctor. He wants her to go for coffee—what time does school start there? She quizzes him about autopsies and you can see the wheels turning. She and the girls will be up to no good later, that’s for sure.

Off to school—-Hanna see a man in a gray Camero watching Caleb. She sees Caleb conducting business near the man watching and the man has a folder—presumably about Caleb. She doesn’t tell him about the man but does tell him he should take his business somewhere else. She is dressed as if she is going to an 80’s disco party after school. If I went to a school without a uniform dress code ,I would come in my jammies and she doesn’t seem to have any soft comfy clothes.  
Emily’s dad shows up at school for the swim meet. He can’t wait to speak to the scout that is interested in Emily. Now what, Emily? Lucky for her the pain became so severe that she has to be take to the hospital before the meet. Her dad is concerned that all the stress has caused an ulcer. He is a real source of stress, for me at least. Miss Em you are going to wish it was an ulcer when you find out what it is. Wren comes by to give her the report. It seems Emily’s panels show human growth hormone. That’s right Em’s on the roids. Who’s going to believe she’s not trying to improve her swimming by juicing? Well I do, but then I know about dirty stinking liar “A”. She begs to take the tests again. Wren will see what he can do about that.  I’m thinking silly girl they will still be in your system, if they don’t show up after a few hours why wouldn’t everyone juice up before an athletic event? Then I remember she doesn’t know she really has been using. Lets hope she learned something for the Roger Clemens debacle and doesn’t get congress involved. I believe Rosewood is perhaps the fountain of youth or the brain capital of the world. All the doctors look like they graduated with Doogie Howser. I love him, in “Doogie” form or as NPH. So cute, I would marry him if I wasn’t 100 and he wasn’t gay and he would have me. Oh yea and I guess I would have to do something about the husband I have. Enough about NPH and myself. When Emily is served dinner she finds a note from everyone favorite “crazy ass”. “Hey, EM, some cream with your coffee? “A.”  One good thing has come out of this mess, Emily’s father tells her not to worry about swimming or the scholarship just as she was going to tell him the truth abut the fake letter. The moral of this story is if you hold on to a lie long enough you just might not get caught.  

Meanwhile back at the Marin ranch Tom has come home for a nooner but not so fast cheater, cheater pants on fire Ashley is no longer drinking the Kool-Aid. She doesn’t want to be the other women she wants a man that’s sure of what he wants and that is not Tom. He seems to believe she means what she is saying he gives her the house key back. She’s no prize package (remember she stole for a old lady) but she can do better than that lying cheaper. Too bad she is too old for Ezra, it looks like he might be back on the market soon.   While visiting Emily in the hospital Spencer has an Oprah (anyone remember her?) light bulb moment.  While riding the elevator she stumbles upon the morgue. She gets off for a look around but Wren reminds her she is not the floor Emily is on. She”ll be back. Garrett is telling Jenna he thinks the girls know.  Jenna wants to to know why he thinks that.  He tells her about all of Spencer’s questions.  I am screaming— KNOW WHAT? Then Jenna asked do they know about Jason, again know what?  He says he is not sure but that they are questioning Ian killing Allison. Jenna says we need to take care of this.  You think?  Next thing you know Spencer and Aria are dressed as candy stripers. 

Hanna boyfriend-naps Caleb. She comes speeding up to him dressed like an old timey movie star. Big shades and a scarf tied around her head and face. She makes him get in the car and then speeds off to Spencer’s family’s lake house. He starts a fire (in the fireplace) and then ask if she is going to lose the costume or if she brought one for him. Sounds kinky coming out of his sexy mouth. She tells him he is being followed, she thinks it’s a cop. She wants him to hid at the cabin he says no hiding and no running.  He is staying with Hanna. If I could sing the hallelujah chorus, think how she feels. They decide to make good use of the house since they are there. When Hanna gets home her Mom is getting rid of everything she bought for Tom. I could understand if she was tossing underwear (although if you have never tried men’s underwear you might want to give it a whirl, they are like granny panties but softer and more comfy) anyway she is tossing his beer and wine. That is just crazy, next thing you know she will have to steal money again. Hanna tries to convince her mom that she and her dad are in love and meant to be together. Her mother, always the voice of reason, says sorry not going to happen, but in mom words. 

We wrap things up with Spencer and Aria in the morgue.  Aria see cookies and wonders who could eat in here?  I’m pretty sure I could, this stomach virus I have makes me crave Burger King— a place I don’t even like. Spencer says they stay fresh in here, I’m pretty sure the freshness of the cookies was not what Aria was referring to.  They have no trouble finding the report, it’s in a file cabinet. I would have at least made then have to find it on a computer with a password. Who knew the morgue was so low tech. Aria can’t understand a word of it thank goodness for smarty pants Spencer. Aria wants to know if Spencer was pre med in pre school and Spencer answers, NO, as if it were a real question. Young Albert admits even she doesn’t understand all of it. Shocking!  The find out that Allison was hit in the back of head indicating she was ambushed from behind. The reports say the weapon most likely had a curved blunt edge.  Aria says like the hockey stick. She had dirt in her lungs, she was buried alive. That is not the way I want to go.

Hanna sees the man who has been following Caleb and confronts him. Thinking he is a bad guy she tells him Caleb knows what he wants and is not coming back. She says he has people in Rosewood that love him and will take care of him. When she leaves he calls someone to relay the conversation.  We realize he is working for someone that just wants to see Caleb. Way to go Hanna.  It was probably his mom.  The Aria/Ezra rolls have reversed. He is like a dog begging for a treat.  He just wants to spend time with her but she doesn’t seem to feel the same way. I think he put a tracking device on her when he saw her early in the day because he tracked her to the hospital. She gets a text from Jason and lies that it is her dad.  He wants her to come over but she once again puts him off. I will say it again Aria likes the bad-boy-danger. That no longer applies. Poor Mr. Fitz. Hanna and Caleb or sitting on the edge on the road watching happy families come out of Lucky Leons cupcakes shop.  They are having a pity party because they don’t have two parents, sibs and a house full of dogs. I for one can tell you a house full of dogs is sometimes overrated.   They look like well dressed hobo’s. They need to slap each other across the face until they snap out of it and then go enjoy a few cupcakes. I love cupcakes. 

While sharing the autopsy report with Emily Spencer realizes page 5 is missing. “Where the hell is page 5”?  NO she didn’t  drop it.  You know the drill heads are spinning, eyes are pooping out of their sockets the lips didn’t turn purple this time, that’s a blessing. While Spencer and Emily count and recount and then count a few more times something spooky is going on in the morgue. Girls it is 5 pages that should be 6, two counting should be enough unless you saw David Copperfield roaming the halls in is not going to turn into 6. Back in the morgue we see someone with gloves eating a cookie and emptying the trash.  I know before we saw his face we were suppose to think it was the same person we always see in gloves, I for one was not fooled. Our usual glove wearing minis wears black gloves these were blue.  That’s not the spooky part.  When the janitor leaves the covered body in the table sits up. Looks like whoever it is heard all Spencer and Aria had to say and knows they have the report.  

More questions! Who’s the walking dead? What was on page 5 of the autopsy report? What do Jenna and Garrett know that they think the girls might know? What about Jason? What’s up with crazy Mike?  Who (besides) me wants to see Caleb?  Will Emily decide to see if she can swim better with the roids?  What am I going to cook for dinner tonight? Sorry. Who even cares about Allison anymore?  
Next week they say “everyone has a secret to hide.” Seriously?Couldn’t that go without saying? Poor Ezra, Aria is kissing Jason next week. 

Until then, Have a secret, can you keep it?