Why do they always start with Maci? Bore me to tears, why don’t you? She and Slow Albino are taking bentley to daycare because he has no child friends. I hung out a lot with my mom when I was a kid and I turned out totally fine. DAYCARE IS FOR LOSERS.

Bentley is really upset when Maci tries to leave him at daycare. THAT IS WHY YOU NEVER DROP AN ONLY CHILD OFF SOMEWHERE. It is cruel to us. Slow Albino goes in there and rescues him. Maci decides he’d make a great dad. AMAZING NEWS FOR A NEW SEASON OF THIS SHOW.

Vaguely Asian is finally getting her house ready. It’s only been 16 months. Leah’s room even has sheets! The bed looks like something I made.

Cut to Fatty talking to his mother about Leah going to move in with Vaguely Asian. Leah is filthy. She’s covered in chocolate. I’m surprised Gary doesn’t eat her.

Lanky and Braces go to a wood-paneled restaurant to meet with the lady from their adoption agency so they can BE SO CREEPY AND UNHEALTHY and get their 6-months package from Carly’s family. Her family! Do you hear me, Lanky and Braces? SHE HAS A FAMILY.

Tyler is really gung ho about Carly attending their graduation in a few months. They’re going to write a letter asking if she can come when they send her Christmas gifts. AGAIN, I say, SHE. IS. NOT. YOUR. CHILD.

Farrah and her dad (who I always just assume is a molester in secret) go to lunch to discuss her future. She wants to move to California or Arizona for the culinary opportunities. But more for the climate. Does she know it’s 115 on a good day in Arizona?

Why is she so orange? And why is she so mean?

Maci asks Slow Albino when they’re going to have a baby. Last week she had to drop 3 of her 4 COMMUNITY COLLEGE classes because Bentley is too time consuming. AND Slow Albino doesn’t have a job. So they should definitely have a baby. Slow Albino looks petrified. Well, as petrified as someone can look while also looking dumber than anyone has ever looked in the history of people.

BUTCH! IT’S BUTCH! Butch and Tyler go shopping for Carly’s Christmas present. They get her some real garbage. (If you’re trying to win the heart of a child you should go somewhere nicer than Target. Like Barneys or something.)

Social-Worker-Karen goes to pick up Leah from Fatty’s house to bring her to Vaguely Asian’s. VA really dressed up for the occasion, in her least stained soft clothes. Per usual VA didn’t hug her, but for the first time ever she did pick her up. She drags her around the house, showing her all the princess themed crap she bought. THIS ISN’T GOING TO GO WELL. I am so nervous [for Leah]. When is Amber going to kill her? Is she going to do it on camera?

Farrah starts looking at apartments in Santa Monica. She finds a place on Westside Rentals for $1000. Um, good luck with that shithole, Farrah. It’ll be perfectly safe for a child. It’s like she’s never been to Santa Monica. You can’t find a livable dwelling for less than 2 grand a month. I HATE YOU FOR BEING SO STUPID, FARRAH. And she’s going to raise a baby on her own in Los Angeles? She can’t even do it with her knife-wielding mother across the street so how is she going to do it without Knifey McKnife 2000 miles away?

Slow Albino goes to lunch with one of his friends to freak out about the baby talk Maci had. Said friend said they just need to get married. Yeah, that’s definitely the best decision. THE BEST! I can’t really understand the rest of their conversation.

Maci tells her mom she wants another kid. Her mom thinks it’s crazy but she isn’t as mad as she should be. SHUT THIS DOWN, MOM.

Maci says she wants to have a baby because she’s bored. What a lucky child that will be.

APRIL! IT’S APRIL! She and Catelynn go to Target to shop for Carly, too. That’s because the idiot courts are still not allowing Butch and April to see each other. It’s just like Romeo and Juliet. If Romeo and Juliet both had a penchant for crack cocaine. These fools are consumed by Carly. I love Braces and Lanky’s classy white Christmas tree. They just sit in front of it, chattin’ about Carly. Apparently Tyler’s mom called Carly’s parents. First of all, why do any of these people have the adoptive family’s phone number? Second, WHY DO THEY THINK IT’S OK TO CALL?

Amber decides to go on a date. She’s also really orange. She asks Leah if it’s ok if she goes on a date. Does she know how old Leah is? I can’t wait to see her date.

Farrah decides to fly to Los Angeles for two days to check things out. That’s definitely enough time. She goes to see some apartments and they’re terrible. It’s like she thinks everything costs what it does in Omaha. She is sure she’s going to get a culinary job the second she moves there. IS SHE DELUSIONAL?

Maci meets with some friends to tell them she wants another baby and to get their opinion. I hope they tell her it’s a great idea. BECAUSE IT IS A GREAT IDEA. Sadly they kind of talk her out of it.

Vaguely Asian goes on a date with Clinton, an obvious fagatron. I bet she bangs him tonight. They talk about olives. It’s riveting. I hope he knocks her up tonight. He also has a daughter. So he’s obviously awesome. They do some kissing at the dinner table. That’s my favorite thing people do.

Maci finally agrees that having another baby is a bad idea. :(

Why is Dawn, the adoption counselor so cool about this creepy relationship between Braces and Lanky and the adoptive family. I wish she’d shut this noise down. She’s a really great adoption counselor.

Farrah goes to meet with an admissions counselor at West Los Angeles College. The USC of West LA, really. (She’s really going to move to LA to go to a glorified community college? God, do I hate this orange slut.) Luckily she decides California is not for her. It’s like she’s only seen Los Angeles in brochures. (Trust me it’s not the same as the brochures make it seem.)

Next week on TEEN MOM: Farrah decides Arizona is her new mecca, Farrah’s mom’s eyes sink into her face a little more, and Carly changes her phone number.