The gang is in Vegas for the Thunderstruck competition. Your guess as to what that is is as good as any. 

Fatty McDance does the usual and berates them for the past weekend of not placing as a group. 

Vivi isn’t there so this happens:

Mackenzie (Maddie’s sister) in the the bottom. She’s so cute and all she wants to do is swim. Broad hates dancing. 

Brooke and Nia are in the middle. Nia is getting another solo this week. Brooke’s dream (aside from being a slutty cheerleader) is to be a Cirque member. Chloe is at the top! For the first time ever. Maddie isn’t getting a solo this week. WHAT? Who is going to make me cry with their dancing tonight? CHLOE BETTER STEP IT UP. 

Christi, Chloe’s mom, claims that her daughter is at the top of the pyramid this week because Fatty McDance is setting her up to fail. That bitch is a real conspiracy theorist. 

The concept of their “contemporary” routine is Sin City. That makes sense for pre-pubesent girls.

Cut to the moms sitting around [not drinking grain alcohol] talking about the goddamn pyramid. 

Elsewhere, CATHY NESBITT is in Ohio, where she lives. (Note: I had no idea Ohio was so close to Pittsburgh. I’m going to need an atlas.) They are at Cathy’s studio, Candy Apple Dance Studio. It’s a ragtag group of hobos. The moms look like urchins and the kids are all weird sizes. They also look like sluts. Also there is a ginger boy. Cathy announces that 3 “apples” will be going to Hollywood to compete against Abby’s girls once they get there after Vegas. Vivi is one of the chosen ones. The other Candy Apple dances must have wooden legs if Vivi is in the top 3 at the studio. Also some old, slutty looking girl is picked. And the ginger boy. 

Back to Abby’s girls! Each one is given dubbed a deadly sin. 

Holly is pissed that Nia is going to be Greedy. It’s just acting, creep. GET A LIFE. 

Chloe is envy, which, of course, sets off Christi. CHLOE IS NOT ENVIOUS OF MADDIE, GODDAMNIT.

Liz Lieberman, a former slut showgirl, comes in and shows the girls how to be sluts showgirls. Then another slut showgirl comes in. Kelly is really excited because the girls will get to see what they can possibly be when they grow up. Topless sluts in a smoky Vegas nightclub. 

For some reason Kelly’s kids, once again, don’t have costumes. I don’t really understand it. 

The moms rent a stretch limo (I’m surprised it’s not a stretch Hummer) and drink grain alcohol whilst riding around the city. All the while Fatty McDance is babysitting the girls and takes them for ice cream. 

It’s so creepy seeing the mother’s arrive at Minus 5, an obviously very trendy and exclusive night club for older broads. The entire place is made of ice. Remember when that was trendy like 9 years ago? Well, turns out it’s still trendy if you’re from Pittsburgh. 

Over ice cream Abby criticizes the girls’ mothers. And she won’t shut up about dancing. Cool it, it’s ice cream time!

The next morning Abby is rehearsing each of the girl’s individually. At the same time the mother’s are lounging by the pool drinking grain alcohol at 9am and flirting with 22-year-old guys who “dance” in peep shows. 

The boys really like Holly. One of them has an excellent pick-up line: “I bet your neck hurts…because your brain is so big.” So she has sex with him in the pool. No, she doesn’t. She’s too much of a prude for that kind of behavior. (I bet if you got Kelly drunk enough she’s do it.)

Brooke’s dance this week is extra creepy. Her legs are over her head most of the time, per usual, but the theme is her hatching as a baby and metamorphosing. That’s cool. Oh, and also her shoulder pops out of it’s natural location. 

Christi is, once again, upset with Fatty McDance. They get in a fight about whether or not Fatty is rude to Chloe. Oh god, who cares. Abby says Christi is jealous of the relationship between herself and Chloe. “Why wouldn’t you want to be like Maddie? I want to be like Maddie,” Fatty McDance says. Uh…

I don’t really have anything to say to that because it’s so creepy. A 415 lb 55 year old broad wants to be a magical 10-year-old dancer who lights the world up with her dancing? OK.

The stakes are REAL high at this competition. (I mean the stakes aren’t high in terms of anything important in the world, but they are important in the pre-teen dance world.) All of the West Coast is here competing. This is just leading up to Nationals. (I am super excited about Nationals, by the way!)

The girls perform Sinful. Once again Maddie really shines. (I’M CRYING!) The girls come in 7th. Fatty McDance is pissed. IT’S 5TH PLACE OR BETTER OR IT’S NOT EVEN WORTH GETTING OUT OF BED. 

Now the pressure is really on for the solos. Uh, you should have Maddie dancing. 

Bad news, Paige’s costume is a mess. It’s ugly. It doesn’t fit. Kelly needs to make a head piece in 15 minutes. I don’t even know how that’s possible. Kelly wants to pull the dance. Paige agrees much to Abby’s chagrin. 

Brooke heads out to do her solo and her shoulder pops out of place. Again. Her shoulder is always just dangling. THEN SHE POPS IT BACK INTO PLACE AND I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT. (Earlier today I hit my toe on the bathtub and I was out of commission for the entire day. Crying.) HER SHOULDER POPPED OUT OF PLACE AND SHE PUT IT BACK INTO PLACE. And then danced. And when she did her solo it POPPED OUT AGAIN. Cool it, Brooke’s shoulder. 

Chloe is up. She’s REAL nervous. She does OK. I mean, she’s no Maddie, but who is?

Brooke comes in third. WITH A SHOULDER POPPED OUT OF PLACE. Chloe doesn’t place. I’m really sad for her. She seems like such a nice little damaged girl. 

The show ends with Fatty McDance chastising the girls for their lousy work. PER USUAL.