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Here is my mom’s unedited recap of the season finale of PRETTY LITTLE LIARS. Please note that she emailed it to me in the middle of the night so it is sure to be filled with errors. I AM TOO LAZY TO EDIT. (I’m also very busy and important.)

The night we’ve all been waiting for is finally here.  Normally I recap as I’m watching but I decided to watch the entire episode first this time.  As promised “A” is revealed or maybe just the tip of the “A” iceberg.  I’m still confused about that.  For me “A” was a disappointment because it turned out to be the person I thought it was all alone.  Sure every week a few people(okay almost everyone) looked guilty and I had my list like everyone else but for me this person was always #1.  She wasn’t on every episode but showed up just enough to make you say “What was the point of ——  being in that scene? To me up until the last few episodes her placement always seemed so contrived that I felt she had to be “A.” She always wore her motive on her sleeve.  I love Ezra and Aria together but having him be “A” would have been explosive for me.  It’s a doomed relationship. We know they can’t go the long haul.  Is he going to go to college with her? Maybe he can be the “house mother” for her sorority. Lets face it he could go to the big house for statutory rape. We don’t know his back story so it really could have worked. That’s the way I would have gone but no one’s paying me the big bucks to write the story. So here goes how the big reveal unfolded.

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Here is my mom’s unedited recap of this week’s PRETTY LITTLE LIARS. I am really busy at work so I didn’t have time to edit her work. (And she writes it while two dogs lay on top of her so it’s safe to say there are errors.)

As the writers like to remind us “the race is on to find “A” and everyone is a suspect.”  No shit, Sherlock and I’m sure you’ll just add more to the list tonight.  I’m hoping for some real answers tonight and not just more smoke and mirrors. So here goes——

My hopes and dreams of getting answers are crushed in the opening scene.  More questions right off the bat.  We open with Spencer asleep on the couch while Allison is rummaging through the bag Jason gave Spencer.  Spencer wakes up and Allison tells her not to scream that she just needs something from the bag.  She tells Spencer she should have told her about Jason that things would have been different.  She also gets in a Melissa dig saying she and Spencer are practically sisters and that Spencer deserves a decent sister.  I’m pretty sure Melissa nor Allison qualify for decent sister of the year. Allison sees the pain meds Spencer has and says she will take a few for the road.  That’s my girl you never know when you might need to self medicate dead or alive.  Spencer tells Ali about Duncan telling Aria about flying her home labor day weekend. Allison says Duncan talks too much.  Ali says she’s glad they haven’t given up and now that they have the bag….. Spencer wants to know what she should be looking for but Allison says she can’t tell.  She does say “don’t get hung up on the details and miss what’s parked right in front of you.”  Ali tells Spencer she misses her and touches her hair in that flirty way Ali has.  For a minute I think she is going to kiss Spencer like she kissed Emily when she appeared to her earlier in the season.  She tells Spencer they are getting warmer and that it is not a game.  She says this is some seriously messed up stuff.  DUH, you think?  Now we don’t know if it was a drugged induced dream or if Allison is really alive. Was the body they found really Allison or maybe her twin?  If it’s really Allison wouldn’t she be more helpful?   A door closes upstairs, Spencer hides the bag under the couch.  The next thing we know it’s morning, Spencer is asleep on the couch and Melissa is calling her name.  Melissa says it’s freezing down here was that door open all night?  Melissa closes the door while you can almost see the wheels tuning in Spencer’s head.  Out of all of it there is only one thing I am sure of.  When Ali or the ghost of Ali was talking to Spencer the door was indeed closed. Can’t ghosts walk through walls and doors?  Someone REAL opened that door.  I’m beginning to think J.J. Abrams might have a hand in this show.  I spent years lost in “lost” now I’m back where I started with Alcatraz, I don’t need PLL’s to be so much work.  If Allison is alive why have we spent 2 years looking for the one armed man?  

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Only three episodes until the demon is revealed, or so they say.  I will believe that when I see it I still have trust issues after the “who killed Rosey” debacle.  I still think A has to be more than one person so I am thinking we might find out one of the A’s.  If she/he is one person he/she is a wizard.  As far as I know only God can see all that at one time.  ”A” doesn’t seem God like to me.  Rumor has it Allison had a twin and she will be appearing.  That could be fun. I read she has been in a mental hospital.  If she is crazier than Allison buckle your seat belt we are in for a bumpy ride.  I’m hoping tonight’s episode gives us some insight and not more questions.  So here goes.  Oh yea—the big thing tonight is the annual father-daugher dance.  I’m sure they are all looking forward to that since they are all in such a  good place with their dad’s right now.  

As you remember last week ended with a cop coming to talk to Emily about Maya.  It seemed like maybe Emily was going to get bad news about Maya but that was not the case.  We find out that Maya left a note for her parents and packed a bag.  They think she ran away so she wouldn’t have to go back to boot camp for pot smoking bad girls.  Hanna is trying to be a good friend and talk to Emily about it but Emily is being a bit bitchy.  Not pleaser Emily’s MO.  I can’t concentrate on what they are saying for admiring the bedside lamp in Hanna’s room.  To make matters worse Hanna and Emily keep taking turns turning it off and on.  I am having to fight my OCD in order to keep watching and not start searching the Internet for that lamp.  

Spencer and Melissa are sitting in the dark in a car having a heart to heart.  Melissa is so cagey it’s difficult to know her motives so take it all with a grain a salt.  Spencer wants to know why Melissa lied to her and got in a car with the always sinister Officer Garrett.  Melissa says Garrett was a friend of Ian and has been so kind to her.  She says she needed someone to talk to because she couldn’t believe she married someone capable of killing Allison.  She tells Spencer she wanted to talk to her after the funeral because she keeps having a feeling something was not right about Ian’s death.  Melissa says she talked to Garrett about it last night but now is afraid she told him too much.  She tells Spencer she told Garrett that their mom and dad were always fighting but it stopped when Allison died.  She felt like they were relieved.  Could Mr. Hastings also be Allisons father?  Now is Mrs. Hastings in the running for who killed Allison?  Melissa reveals that she was texting Allison telling her to back off Ian.  Spencer tells Melissa Allison knew about Jason and may have been blackmailing their dad. 

Yet another secret that is going to blow up in Ella’s face.  She tells Aria for now short man doesn’t need to know about her meeting with Aria and Ezra.  Aria doesn’t want to go to the father daughter dance because of all the tension between the two of them.  Hanna has just found our her dad is too busy to come take her to the dance, but never fear Ashley comes to her rescue.  Emily’s dad is flying in for the big dance and Mr. Hastings will also be attending.  Lets the good times roll. The PLL’s meet up at school to talk, still no classes.  They all receive a text from  A “do mom and dad know you’re watching murder movies?  I bet it would kill them to find out.-A-.”  Aria wants to know if “A” is talking about the NAT video.  I guess they are talking about the video Caleb got off the phone. Speaking of Caleb WHERE IS HE?  I need to see his beauty.  All the liars except Spencer are convinced Melissa is “A” and want to go to the police.  Spencer begs for more time to try to prove Melissa is innocent.  Hanna thinks they could get in trouble for “withdrawing” evidence, girl really could use some schooling. They finally agree to give her a little more time. 

Spencer goes home to find a gift from her dad.  It’s a beautiful diamond necklace that he wants her to wear to the father daughter dance.  Melissa is suspicious and says he is “overcompensating.” When men are overcompensating isn’t that usually about small “feet?”  Spencer defends him to Melissa but her hearts is not really in it.  Poor Spencer everyone related to her is a suspect.  Caleb is out of town visiting his family, I might be crying a little, so Hanna and Mona are hanging out.  As they are walking they spot Ashley and Officer Wilden in a car talking. Another dark car meeting.  Are they all afraid their homes are bugged?  If so I wouldn’t trust the car since that is the place everyone likes to spill their guts.  Wilden wants Ashley to get Hanna’s phone so he try to find out who sent the police report.  Hanna confronts her mom about Wilden, is she dating him?  Dating might not be the correct word for what they were doing before.  God NO, Ashley says she is just trying to get answers about the police report.  Hanna gives her mom a good talking down to and then storms out.  While this is quite possibly the best mother daughter relationship of the four it is so dysfunctional on every level.  You never know which one of them will be playing the mother role.  Next thing you know Ashley will be shoplifting and Hanna will be paying it forward.  

Mike’s back—who cares?  Not me!  Seems he’s going to DJ the father daughter dance.  Classy!!  The last time we saw him he was going postal and headed for the loony bend and today he is giving words of wisdom to Aria.  Good meds for sure he seems to have the schizophrenia under control, but you can’t mask those dead eyes.  Emily and her dad are in the Marin’s kitchen catching up.  He seems to have mellowed on the gay oh no she isn’t thing.  He asked about Maya and the flood gates open. Emily tells him she has disappeared.  Instead of pulling a tommy boy and jumping on the coach his tries to help her find Maya.  It’s about time Colonel Mustard.  They head to the bus station to see if she bought a ticket. Turns out she did buy a ticket to SF but was last seen talking to someone in a dark car and maybe left in that car.   Knowing Maya the car things could have just been to score a bit of weed. So no answers on the Maya front.  Back at the home where everyone is a suspect and usually missing in action, Mr. Hastings is trying his best to get on Spencer’s good side.  He misses spending time with her. Seriously, when has he ever spent time with her.  Anyway now he wants to make up for it.  She is having no part of it he heads to the club and she heads to his office to snoop.   Melissa comes home and the snooping will have to wait until all is clear.  Before Melissa’s untimely return Spencer did find a check stub from 2009 made out to cash for $15,000.00 which is the amount of money Jason found in Allison’s things.  Ashley is still pushing Hanna for answers about who sent the police report.  Ashley says she is tired of trying to get answers from Hanna and that she needs her phone so Wilden can help her get answers.  Hanna tosses her phone in a sink full of soapy water.  I did not see that coming!  From the look on Hanna’s face she didn’t either.

It’s dance time. Emily’s dad is already there she tells him she is sorry she is late but missed a call from Maya while in the shower and she wanted to wait around to see if she would call again.  Lame—did she forget the cell phone can leave home?  Her dad tells her this is their last weekend for a while. Who is he trying to fool?  They haven’t seen each other this whole season.  Anyway he is being deployed again and leaves tonight.  While dancing Aria’s dad is taking a walk down memory lane. Apparently  these two have done alot of dancing.  Saved by Hanna who shows up in soft clothes.  I was really looking forward to seeing what non age appropriate outfit she would wear to the dance.  Aria, Spencer, Emily and Mona coming running up to see why she is there dressed like a hobo.  To be honest I am not flipping out over the party dresses.  I think Emily may have picked hers up while at the bus station from a 40 something.  Spencer may have gotten her from a bike shop, it’s probably pretty in person but from where I am sitting it looks like something Vivian or Kit De Luca might have. It might be black snake skin—-call peta.  Aria and Mona’s look age and event appropriate. Hanna tells the PLL’s plus one her mom is hot on the “A” trail.  She tells them about her mom finding the police report and thinking it was sent to Hanna.  She also tells them that her mom gave the report to Wilden and that he wanted her phone.   She all starting spilling things about “A” until they realize Mona is with them.  Mona has a plan to help them.  Should they trust her?  Mona tells the girls the best liar in the group needs to tell Ashley they sent the police report to Hanna to make her stop shoplifting.  Mona says it couldn’t be her because she is a terrible liar.  Since when?  Anyway Hanna, Emily and Spencer all agree Aria is the best liar of the group, based on the Ezra lie.  Aria leaves the dance to go tell Ashley she sent the police report. Ashley is clearly not buying it.

Spencer ‘s dad is trying way to hard at the dance they have words about keeping secrets.  Spencer says lets not talk about it here and they go home.  Back home Mr. Hastings realizes his gun is missing and calls the police to report it being stolen.  While he is out of his office talking on the phone to the police Spencer finds a file full of pictures of Allison.  When Spencer confronts her father about the file with all the pictures of Allison he tells her he hired a private investigator to look into Allison’s disappearance.  The $15,000.00 was for that.  Spencer says you were trying to protect Jason and he say no——-Your sister.  He knew Melissa had been threatening Allison so he hired a PI to look into it.  It gets a little confusing here because it’s not  clear if the PI was also following Allison before she disappearance.  I have so many questions.  Was Allison still alive when he hired the PI?  If so why didn’t he see who killed her?  What did he find out from the PI?  Why so many picture of Allison? 30ish seems like over kill.  Spencer didn’t seem to have any questions. Very strange. The police come and Spencer goes to her room.  Melissa comes sneaking in to find out why the police are there. Spencer tells her their fathers gun is missing.  They are assuming it was stolen tonight but we all know that happened a few weeks ago.  Melissa say things are too weird at their house and that she going back to the city.  She tells Spencer to come with her she can protect her.  Everything is pointing to Melissa so I’m guessing she didn’t do it.  

Ashley and Ella meet for coffee and to discuss the girls.  She tells Ella the story Aria told her and that she didn’t believe it.  Ella says she doesn’t know why Aria would make this up and  Ashley says they are all making stuff up and hiding things.  Ella comes clean about “A” contacting her with info about their family.  She doesn’t tell Ashley it was info about little man tapping his student.  Ashley says she has gone to the police and Ella says she doesn’t think that is a good idea.  Ashley says “this has gone on far too long.”Someone is watching them from outside.

Jonah calls Aria to tell her that Allison was receiving texts from more than one number.  He doesn’t have the exact address but a one block radius. While walking  around they see a doll hospital with dolls in the window that look like the chucky dolls “A” sent them. It gives Aria a chill and she goes to the car to get a coat.  It just happens to be the red coat that belonged to Vivian.  Someone sees her from behind and calls out “Vivian?” She turns around to see someone we have never seen.  What piece is he to this puzzle?  

We close with the black gloved one buying the Rosewood Observer with a hugh picture of Maya with the caption—Missing Girl

Still so many question and so few answers.  

Lots of people missing this week.  Ezra,  Sweet, sweet beautiful Caleb, Holden,Toby, Wren, Jason and Jenna all MIA this week.  I could add Ian because I’m not sure he is really dead.  

Until next week—-Got a secret, Can you keep it?  

It’s just another day at Rosswood High.  Three weeks in a row the girls have gone to school. Please don’t confuse going to class with being in the building.  No one has had an actual class since Mr. Fitz taught sex education.  There are some trolls roaming the halls, I guess they can’t all be pretty little liars.  I picked a great place to pause one of the “students” is closer to my age than high school age and lets just say my yesterdays out number my tomorrows.  And don’t get me started on her friend, also a little long in the tooth and speaking of teeth she could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence with those buck teeth and I’m not a dermatologist but she needs to have that giant mole on her chest looked at.  I can’t wait to get back to the pretty girls.  The PLL’s are gathered around Spencer’s locker, discussing meeting up with Jonah, the guy they discovered from the claim ticket.  The girls want to know how Spencer got the $2,000.00 and she says from a family member. So sweet she already thinks of Jason as a family member.  Maybe he can be the family she never had.  Everyone at school except the PLLs are dressed for winter, coats, sweaters, scarf’s but our girls, all except Spencer, look like they might be headed to a S&M convention.  Too much cleavage for school.  I’m pretty sure Aria is wearing a dog collar.  Emily is not too happy to find out only Spencer and Aria will be meeting the guy. As Emily is stating her case for going with them Spencer cuts her off as only Spencer can. The bitch has spoken—off with your head. I think Emily is going to cry, her emotions are raw right now (Maya). Maybe Spencer could be a bit less bitchy.  Hanna is in Hanna-land and as far as I can tell she doesn’t even know what they are talking about.  Mona comes up to finalize the mall plans with Hanna who, of course, doesn’t remember they were going.  She tells Mona her mom needs her and they can go tomorrow. Looks like Mona is going to be “A’s” target this week.  As Hanna blows her off she gets a text—Hanna’s Mommy saved her ass, who’s gonna save your?-A. Poor Mona, no friends and now A wants a piece of her.  

 At the Marin home Officer Wilden has stopped by to ask Hanna a few more questions. I think he still has a thing for Ashley and like daughter like mother—she is showing all the cleavage modern medicine gave her.  She makes him leave without speaking to Hanna.  Words of advice to Ashley,  creeps will leave you alone if you start wearing sweats and you will be oh so much more comfortable.  Throw away those spanx put the soft clothes on, grab a bag or two of chips and veg out to a day of the Kardashian girls doing everything and everybody.  

The prodigal daughter has returned.  Just what we need more doom and gloom. Spencer tells Melissa that Jason is their half brother.  She takes it pretty well.  Spencer tells her she thinks Allison knew.  Melissa wants to know if anyone else knows. When Spencer says no Melissa says lets keep it that way.  Emily is desperately trying to get in touch with Maya. I will say again I think their is more to Maya than meets the eye.  I don’t trust her at all.  Paige thinks maybe she can help Emily get over Maya.  She invites Emily to help her with the fundraiser.  Emily agrees to help maybe because Paige is looking much better since coming out.  I almost didn’t recognize her.

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It’s a new day in Rosewood, thank God the slumber party and all that creepiness is over.  I’m still laying awake at night trying to make some sense of the logic of teenage girls and boys having a sleep over at school.  This must be how teen moms get their girls.  Anyway, back to this week.  Apparently, Emily is back on the swim team and has already had a meet. It must have been a big deal swim meet because the entire school has gathered to greet the team as they arrive back home.  As far as I can tell this is a dream come true high school.  It is not mandatory that you ever attend, but if you do choose to stop by the day consist of coffee and croissants, then a little gossip and scheming, next you have lunch and if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend of course you are allowed to have a make out session or two and finally a  few trip to the ladies room so something terrible can happen.  No actual classes, I’m bitter I didn’t attend Rosewood High. While waiting for the Sharks to arrive Hanna and Caleb are snuggling on a bench looking like the cutest couple alive.  I love them. Spencer and Aria are discussing their plans to meet the person that knew Vivian. Aria seems a bit leery of the meeting but mother superior insists it must be done. I was hoping to find out she has a bastard half brother would mellow her overbearing pretentious self for a week or two, but I guess not.  Aria tells her that their moms have talked and that Spencer’s mom wants Spencer to come back home.  Aria says it been a week now and everyone wants to know why she is staying away.  I think the better questions is why have Spencer’s parents been home for a week? That has never happened.  I guess Law and Order SVU has been on hiatus (Mrs. Hastings looks just like Olivia Benson). I’m not sure why Peter has stuck around.  Never fear Spencer they will leave you for dead soon and you can return to living alone in that big DARK house.  Finally the Sharks arrive.  Their outfits are hideous, the bright blue is so bright I had to put my sunglasses on.  The good things is their enormous trophy is the same color as the beautiful track suits so alls well that ends well.  They must have won the high school equivalence of the gold medal at the Olympics.  People are holding signs, cheering like its the second coming and of course the party will be at Hanna’s. Just when you think the teachers, assuming they have any, would start passing out the liquor to the underage students the mood is ruined by the arrival of the po-po.  It’s officer Garrett and some old man I don’t know. The approach sweet, beautiful Caleb with a search warrant to take his computer.  They say someone has been hacking into the school’s computers and it traces back to Caleb’s IP address. Garrett asked for his pass words but Caleb says the court order says you can take my computer but not what’s in my head.  Gotta love him!!  Hanna is worried for Caleb, he tells her don’t worry they couldn’t get into it with a can opener.  I’m like Hanna, not feeling good for OUR boyfriend. As Hanna is telling the other little pretties what happened they all receive a text—“Now it’s Caleb’s turn. A”.  Say it ain’t so—not Caleb.  

 Caleb and Hanna have gone to an empty (shocking) classroom to talk.  Hanna is freaking out and Caleb says not to worry he didn’t do anything wrong. Hanna tells him she thinks this is payback for his helping them with “A’s” phone.   She thinks Garrett has planted some evidence on his computer and if that is the case they will be able to get into it. She must be correct because at the end of last weeks episode we saw someone take his computer while he was sleeping at the damn slumber party. Don’t get me started on that again.  

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Here’s is Mother-of-Recap-This on yesterday’s PRETTY LITTLE LIARS:

Here we go again. If the previews from last week are any indication of what’s in store for tonight—as Bette Davis said, “Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night.” She or her writers must have been visionaries because I don’t think seatbelts were even around when she uttered those words in the 1950 movie. I could be wrong. I am basing this on the fact that I am a child of the 50th and my parents never strapped me in a seatbelt.  In full disclosure, I wasn’t the favorite child.  

We open up to two usual things. First, a clock—in all this time I think it might be the first time we have ever known what time is it and the really shocking thing is people are up, dressed and out of their homes. It’s 7:42am, Hanna and her Mrs. Marin and Kate and her Mrs. Marin are all sitting in a room waiting to speak to the vice principal about the nudie pictures of Kate. From the look on their faces they all had lemons for breakfast—four very sour looks. Hanna still looks good, but Kate not so much. Her mouth and eyes both turn down when she is pouting. “Why the long face?” seems to apply here. I’m thinking the nudies might be a good thing for her since that face isn’t going to have the boys beating her door down. She needs to be thinking about how much it did for Kim K. I think Mr. Marin should have to be a part of this since his zipper problem is what got this debacle stated. I love when the vice principal comes in and says Mrs. Marin they both respond—just another reason Mr. Marin should also have to endure this humiliation.  

Spencer, Emily and Aria are fixated on a red trench coat. Turns out that is what Allison/Vivian’s claim check was for. Spencer is being extremely bitchy to the others and she plays that part very well. I guess she thinks the rich girl gets to be the boss of the peons.  She does allow Aria to touch the coat when Aria asks for her royal highness permission. Luckily permission was granted because Aria finds a phone number in one of the pockets. Spencer and Aria are hot to call the number but Emily is afraid for them to call. Emily says she doesn’t think they will find anything out from calling the number and Spencer says, “Well it’s probably easier than hiring the fat lady with the tube top at the farmers market who’s gonna tell you your fortune.” While she has a valid point here, she didn’t have be so bitchy saying it. I think Emily is going to cry until Spencer calls her out for being scared and then she gets indignant and to prove she is not scared, she grabs the paper and makes the call. I’ve never seen so many mean looks between Spencer and Emily. Meanwhile, Aria is remembering that the tube top lady makes really good apple butter. I’m thinking if Aria wasn’t always dressed for a walk in the park when it has to be winter in Rosewood she would be able to stay on point. Emily gets voicemail and freezes up, proving Spencer’s point but bubble head Aria saves the day. She grabs the phone and leaves a message saying she is a friend of Vivian’s and to please give her a call. I guess that girl can multi-task.  

Things are not going well back at the vice principal’s office. I think it’s safe to say a mandatory visit to the principals office is never a good thing. Spencer could learn a few things from both Mrs. Marin’s. The new and improved Mrs. Marin, she could be the old Mrs. Marin’s younger sister. Why do men always think they have to get a new model? At least for the most part women are smart enough to realize once they have been left for the trophy, they are better off without the man-child. Back to the cat fight. Kate’s mom wants Hanna punished to the max for tying to destroy her precious daughters new life. She gets pretty ugly about what a bad girl Hanna is and how she has no parental supervision. Can’t really fight that one—but Ashley does—she says “her mother is a divorced women who works full time because her husband left her for you.” That’s the spirit Ashley don’t let that husband stealing trailer trash get the better of you. Poor Mr. Tamborelli wants out of this mess. He assures that trophy tramp that Rosewood has a “zero tolerance policy on bullying.” He actually said that with a straight face, I see an emmy in his future. As far as I can tell there are no rules at that school. He says the girls will have to work thought it at “Truth Up” day, which just so happens to be tomorrow. This is an overnight workshop where students own up to their bad behavior and make new connections. Parents and teachers supervise. This seems like a dream come true to over-active hormonal teenagers. A slumber party with way more students than supervisors. Hanna’s mom says she will supervise. Mr. Tamorelli says everyone needs a sleeping bag, a tooth brush and a change in attitude. Should be fun!!
 

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I want to go on record as saying Tuesday is my least favorite day of the week. This recapping comes easy to same people, I am not one of them. On Monday I start dreading PLL’s because I know I must have my recap finished sometime on Tuesday. I would rather spend the day having people use my face as their ashtray then do this, but I love my daughter so here I go again.  

We start the episode minus one pretty little liar and plus one handsome little lair. Spencer, Emily, Aria and Caleb are gathered around the computer looking at what Caleb with his boy-wonder skills has discovered. I’m not sure where they are, but as usual it is so frigging dark, my eyes are bleeding trying to see what is going on. Please—writers or whoever- let there be light. The scare factor will still be there. I love when Spencer asks Caleb if he can make the video any lighter—now you know how we feel, bitches! Caleb is getting annoyed with the girls telling him what to do and tells them he is not talking requests. You go hunk-a-hunk-of-burning-love! Don’t let them run all over you—they need you more than you need them. He really should quit school and work for one of the governments alphabet units. I say, CIA might be his calling.   While Caleb is trying to get the video brighter and bigger, poor little Hanna is desperately seeking her Susan’s. She tries Emily, then Aria, then Caleb and finally, Spencer. I am confused about the order of the calls. I would have gone for Caleb first. All hit ignore except Spencer. She takes the call even as she is saying, “I guess we all know who is low man on the totem pole.” Maybe if you weren’t so preachy and judgmental you wouldn’t be the last go to. Spencer is lying about being with her family. Why didn’t she just say Santa or the Easter Bunny was over since they are as real as her family? Anyway, Hanna hears Emily and Aria in the background and knows she is being left out. Poor Hanna. At least she doesn’t know Caleb is with them. Spencer says she has to go and Hanna says she gets it say hi to your “family” for me. Mother Surperior Spencer scolds Emily and Aria—who died and left Spencer in charge? Caleb has just about had all he can take of these three—Hanna look like a walk in the park to him about now. In trying to calm them down, he calls them ladies but you can tells ladies is not the word he is thinking. Back to the video, they see a fake ID in the box Officer Garrett had last week. At first they think it’s Jenna but when Caleb enlarged it they realized it’s Allison with dark hair. What? Why? This is when the Exorcist head spinning comes in. They say Allison already had a fake ID that looked like her why would need one that didn’t even look like her? Another mystery. Cue the theme music. I wish just one week it would be ‘Tubular Bells.’ (The Exorcist theme.) 

Caleb has escaped the pretty little nut cases, I’m sure he is somewhere calming his nerves with a bit of weed. He’ll have to cut that out when he joins the CIA. Emily is rushing off to met Maya, nice of them to let Emily have a little fun two weeks in a row. Spencer thinks she and Aria will have a pity party since they are both (or so she thinks) lacking boyfriends. Aria says sorry she can’t stay because she has plans with Holden. (Code for Ezra.) Spencer gives it another try and brings up Ezra dumping Aria…Sorry not going to work. Ezra and Aria are hot and heavy, she’s lying to all of you. Does any one know why Aria is keeping the Ezra things a secret from her girls? Spencer says she has not talked to Toby. She has however, been sitting in his truck.  She is not as dead inside as I had thought. She is crying—real tears. Who knew she had tears?  Back to sitting in his truck—creepy—I am thinking she has a blow up doll named Toby that she is making out with in the truck since that seems to be all the truck was ever used for. 

Aria and Ezra are just driving around. Why not roll the windows down and scream look at us?  Aria is feeling bad about keeping their relationship a secret from her homies. I’m still not sure why they are doing that. They are having quite the make out session while driving. A wreck would also be a good way to keep the secret. These two are not thinking with the upper part of their bodies. In Ezra’s defense, he has looked at the road a few times. Poor sad Hanna has been reduced to spending the evening sitting at the kitchen table talking to her mom. Ashley needs to take some money out of the pasta box and pay the light bill. I think they would all feel better if they had some contact with the sun or any kind of lighting. They all seems to be suffering from seasonal affective disorder. These two are having a pity party about Mr. Marin and his new family moving back to Rosewood. Ashley tells Hanna she is not looking forward to running into them either but they have to take the high road or they will look like trash. I think that ship has sailed. I could make a list but I don’t think it’s necessary. Hanna promises to do everything she can to make Kate feel welcome at school. I think we all know that will not go well.  

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Tricia, my mother, is really into PRETTY LITTLE LIARS. Here’s proof:

Tonight’s episode begins with Spencer, Emily and Aria in Spencer’s kitchen waiting for Hanna to arrive with the info Caleb has gotten off of the phone “A” dropped. They do get some good info off the flash drive but the most shocking thing for me is that Hanna tells Spencer she saw her mom coming in as Hanna was arriving. Might we see Spencer’s parents this week? Do you think they will know who she is or just think a stranger is in their house? This relationship concerns me way more than who killed that bitch Allison. Hanna begrudgingly gives Spencer the flash drive. She is still pretty pissed her man has to be involved and perhaps become a target. I’m with Hanna, why put the eye candy in danger? Lets be honest here, would any of us really care if we lost Toby? Before they watch they all have to put their two cents in. Hanna is indignant about the fact that she is having to LIE to Caleb, as if she doesn’t lie like it’s her job. Aria, who is usually not funny makes a funny, but she is serious. She says, “My money’s on Officer Garrett in the green house with the cellphone.” (She and Ezra must play Clue in their spare time.) Finally, “the boss” (Spencer) says lets just take a look. It starts with the same old same old— “I know you want to kiss…” This is their clue to start the head spinning and eyes popping out of the sockets. Why they have to do that, I don’t know they have heard Allison say that a zillion times already. But wait, there’s more. Allison’s bedroom pops up on the screen and creepy Ian is hiding a camera in her room. As the little liars are trying to figure out why he would be hiding a camera in her room, Garrett and Jenna walk in. The girls realize it is a meeting of the N.A.T club. Ian wants to know why Jason didn’t come and they say, “A six pack and some weed did him in.” Jenna wants to know why Ian has called an emergency meeting. Ian says he tried to get Allison to hand over “our videos” but she wasn’t going for it. Officer Garrett seems to have a little cop rage and tells Ian, “I knew you’d go too far and those videos would come back to bite us. That’s why I bailed on this messed up club.” Ian says, “Well, welcome back. Now we find them before that bitch shows back up.” The hunt begins. Garrett finds the box of Allison’s things that Jason gave Aria a while back. The tape ends there. So what have we and the little pretties learned? Well, we now know that Jenna was also a member of the N.A.T. club and that they all (minus Jason) met in Allison’s bedroom the night she was killed. We also know that Ian recorded the meeting and I for one, don’t think officer Garrett and Helen Keller know that. (I guess another lesson learned is that sometimes a six pack and a little weed might not be a bad idea, it got Jason out of the taped meeting.) Another thing, the Hastings must have a VERY long driveway because Hanna said she passed Spencer’s mom as she was coming in yet she has not made it to the house.  Probably waiting until Spencer leaves so she won’t have to make a half ass attempt to appear to care about her. They make my family look almost normal.   

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Here is my mother’s latest installment of PRETTY LITTLE LIARS. (Notice in paragraph one she references some 100 year old soap opera couple that wasn’t even Luke & Laura. Cool reference, Mom.)

I am really having trouble getting back into this show.  The first week was weak(sorry), second peaked my interest and this week was just lame, in my opinion.  I think it’s time for the writers to stop thinking about how many years they can drag this thing out and start thinking just a little about giving us more than a few crumbs that usually don’t turn into a slice of bread.  Have you not learned anything from the demise of the soap operas?  We are no longer content to wait years for Josh and Reve to work it out.  We’ve got high tech toys calling out names, if we are too impatient to sit through a 30 second commercial we are certainly not going to keep watching this paint dry.  Just a thought!

In this episode I will be referring to the little liars as the pretty little orphans.  We’ve been over this before but it bears saying again, these are high school girls and all have visited with the police on a number of occasions so why do they have so much freedom?  I love Aria’s parent “new age” restriction, Poor Emily, her parents left her for dead long ago, Hanna’s mom must have the best contract because she does appear to care if not all the time at least once every episode. And poor Spencer, her parents don’t even know they have another child other than Melissa.  It’s no wonder they are such easy targets.  We begin with the four still at the lake house or it appears to me to be the lake house.  Hanna could have died, Lucas for all they know is sleeping with the fishes and still no family, just the orphans. Hanna has a headache and the girls are all mothering her with aspirin, blankets and soup.  Emily gives Hanna the news that the lake is going to be dredged in the morning.  The police think they will find Lucas’ body. Hanna is sure he is alive “out there somewhere”.  Aria can’t believe harmless Lucas could be working with “A”.  Hanna decides to tell the girls Lucas is not as harmless as they think.  She tells them he was the one who destroyed Ali’s memorial.  The other orphans can’t believe Hanna never told them—why would she keep a secret?  REALLY?  The better question is how can you three ask such a question.  You are all full of lies and secrets. Man up, ladies.  This could be the most ridiculous scene of the entire show and that is saying a lot.  Hanna takes the Aspirin and reaches into her purse for water.  Seriously— this really happened—she pulls out a glass jar like the ones people used to use when they pickled things.  It is about a foot long with no lid—just been sitting upright I suppose in her purse for who knows how long.  In a million years this is not what Hanna or for that matter anyone would carry in their bag as a water bottle.  While I am thinking, “holy shit what is that and how did it not turn over in your bag”, always alert Emily stops her from drinking it because it has lake water in it.  All they can think about is how did lake water get in it?  Who could have done it?  They all pass it around and smell it and still no one says “What kind of hillbilly water bottle is this?”  “A’ picks this time to send a text—“no fun chugging lake water, is it? Chock on this, bitch. A”  We have a little thunder, serious head spinning, troubled looks and then the theme music. 

It’s morning and Hanna and Emily are in the Marin’s kitchen having breakfast and the token parental scene.  Praise Jesus, Lucas is alive.  ET phoned home but that’s about all we know.  Hanna seems like she would have been ok if he hadn’t surfaced.  Momma Marin wants to call his parents since it all happened at a party her daughter was hosting. Maybe Momma should have thought about attending the party instead of showing all the concern after the fact.  The girls set her straight- she is just a bit player in this sad tale and they move along.  I know you are probably thinking they are headed to school, as that is what momma Marin was also thinking but they again set her straight they have better things to do.   School is like everything else in Rosewood—NO RULES!   Once they all get to Spencer’s house she empty’s the bag of goodies she found at the lake house so they can start the days detective work.  She found cell phones that she says are not her parents, they don’t look like they are much use to anyone to me .  They are still in the unopened boxes but that doesn’t seem to cross anyone mind.  They also found a receipt from a store in Philadelphia. Spencer and Aria decide they will go to Philly after school and have a look around. 

Finally the little orphans have decided to make an appearance at school.  I am worried they are not  going to age well. When do they sleep?  Every night seems to be date night or party night or sleuth night.  Luckily Aria stopped by school. It gave her a chance to make a date with Holden for yet another school night.  As we know she is on restriction but apparently only when it comes to Ezra.  Holden was a childhood friend who has been out of the country for a while. He has come back just in time to help Aria get out of the house (like that has ever been a problem) and he seems to have the need to use Aria for something, but we don’t know what yet.  Holden tells Aria to plan the date so she decides they should go to a play that she knows Erza is planning to attend. 

Mona is spilling her guts to an uncaring Hanna about Noel maybe breaking up with her.  She tells Hanna Noel was on the phone with someone all night during Caleb’s birthday party. If Hanna would pay attention to someone other than herself she might pick up some clues.  She is truly clueless.  While Mona is going on and on about her problems Hanna sees her homecoming picture is being taken down.  She is told the administration doesn’t think tiaras and orange jumpsuits are a good fit.  Can’t really fight that logic.  Mona realizes Hanna has not been listening to her and she has a meltdown.  Telling Hanna how selfish she is.  Am I the only one thinking pot calling the kettle black?   Hanna retreats to the bathroom to hide and cry.  While Hanna is hiding crying in the bathroom Emily get a call from someone disguising her voice, turns out it’s Maya.  Apparently they are a couple again, who knew? They also will be going out tonight. Yes, it’s a school night.  Maya needs Emily to get her a fake Id—no problem Emily says.  While on the phone with Emily, Maya gets a calls she seems a bit distressed about and doesn’t take it.  She is not my favorite of Emily’s lady friends.  I think Emily can do better. Maya always seems to have an agenda to me.  I do like seeing Emily happy so we’ll so where it goes this time. Meanwhile, back in the crying room, also know as the ladies room at Rosewood High, Hanna has decide to put on her big girl panties and come out. Unfortunately for Hanna while she was sobbing “A” was leaving her a little gift.  Someone had filled the sink with water and places a tiny wooden rowboat in it.  Cue the text—“Life is but a dream, Hanna.  And I am your nightmare. “A”.  Now she has something to cry about.

Spencer and Aria are off to Philly hoping to find some clues to who bought the stuff in the attic at the lake house.  Turns out the place the receipt was from is a newsstand. Aris says “isn’t Melissa’s condo about 10 blocks from here? Spencer is either not listening to Aria or doesn’t know who Melissa is and who could blame her, they’re really aren’t very close.  Aria stays about 5 minutes and then gets back on the train to go home for her date.  I don’t see any point to Aria having made the trip except to point out that Melissa has a condo nearby, therefore I am thinking that might be important info. After Aria leaves Spencer starts to notice the area she is in a full of blind people and lots of cute dogs.  I may be the one that noticed all the dogs. Anyway, back to the blind people.  Turns out across from the place the receipt came from is a rehabilitation center for the blind.  Spencer goes in to have a look around.  She tries to get some info from the lady at the desk as to whether Jenna had ever been there but the lady was not the giving type.  Luckily a nice young blind man heard Spencer asking and was happy to tell her that Jenna had indeed been there and what a sweet person she was.  Must not be the Jenna we know and hate.  Spencer tells the guy that she knew Jenna some years ago, but not from Rosewood.  If you are smart enough to lie about that maybe it would be a good idea not to use your real name.  We all know Spencer is a very common name so not to worry.  As Spencer is leaving she realizes everyone must sign in and out so she steals the sign in book from the time Ali died. 

Caleb is very concerned about where Lucas is.  He tries to get info out of Hanna but she is not at all concerned with Lucas.  They fight and Caleb leaves.  Aria heads off for her date with Holden.  As Aria had hoped Ezra also shows up.  It is like a scene from a 20’s silent movie.  They both stop and stare at each other for what seems like hours, but was just seconds.  In slow-mo Aria looks just like a Barbie doll.  Just as you think they are going to run into one another’s  arms Holden and some lame teacher come between them.  A moment lost forever.  Holden seems far from a rocket scientist but even he could see something might be going on between Aria and Ezra. 

When Spencer gets off the train from Philly it’s dark and the music is scary so we are sure something bad is about to happen to Spencer.  It’s just Mona.  It was very random and so odd that it must mean something but again I have no idea.  Mona tells Spencer she is heartbroken because Noel broke up with her so she has been in the city shopping to take the pain away.  Smart girl, that always works for me.  Not so much for her because she just purchased five cashmere blend sweater sets and she says she never wears sweater sets or blends.  Again, who knew she was so smart? Spencer gives her a pep talk and that’s that.   Seemed an odd fit so I do think we should make something of it.

Hanna is feeling bad about the fight with Caleb and keeps leaving him messages.  Its dark and stormy, Hanna’s back door is open but she thinks it’s from the storm. She fails to see the muddy footprints.  Looks like someone is in the house. Emily and Maya are at the club.  Maya gets another phone call she seems afraid to answer.  She tells Emily she hooked up with someone when she was away. Emily is ok with it because they were “on a break” as Ross and Rachael would say. After Emily tells her it’s ok Maya throws Emily a curve ball.  Maya says “he want take no for an answer. Looks like Emily might have a harder time forgiving her with a he than a she.  I’m betting we know the he.  After the play Holden tells Aria he can help her with seeing Ezra because he also has things he would like to keep from his parents.  Wonder what? 

We’re back at the Marin’s house, I was thinking the power was out because it is so dark in the house but now I see a lamp is on. One lamp for the whole house is taking green way too far.  Thank goodness I got my night vision glasses last week. Hanna goes into her bedroom and Lucas is hiding behind the door.  He tells Hanna he never wanted to hurt her. He says he can’t let her leave the room.  While he is talking she speed dials Caleb who just happens to have just walked into her house.  He hears what is going on and runs up to Hanna’s room.  He says he took Hanna out on the lake just to talk to her that he needed her help telling Caleb what he had done.  Turns out he was betting on basketball games and lost all of Caleb’s money and his own.  Can that be all there is to it?  He has been driving around selling his comic books and collectibles and has some of the money to give back to Caleb.  Caleb is forgiving and says all will be ok.  Hanna says “you are not who I thought you were”.  Could that be the understatement of the year?  Who is in this town? 

So here we are, I wish someone had a clock because I would love to know what time it is. It’s a school night, duh, Aria has been to a play with Holden that we know started at 7:30 and they went for coffee after.  Emily went out of town to a concert, Spencer has been all over the place and Hanna has had the encounter with Lucas.  It has to be at least midnight maybe later but the girls have met up at Spencer’s for dumplings and  to discuss the day’s events.  I don’t understand why they don’t all just move into Spencer’s house. I think we all know her parents may never come back.  They discuss that the person in the green house wasn’t Lucas and from the sign in book they discover that the day Jenna told them Allison came to visit she was not there or at least did sign in.  They also see that the day Allison “went missing” Garrett signed in and also signed Jenna out at 10:15pm and never signed her back in.  When they say never do they mean never never ever? Or not until the next day.  I need to know this.  Not a question the orphans seems to need to answer they are ready to eat dumplings.  They may have to go to bed hungry, the boxes are full of worms and dirt—here comes the text “This is what live bait looks like.  Now we’re even bitches! “A”.  I don’t get it!  Does “A” work at the Chinese restaurant?  Who knew Rosewood had another restaurant?  I’ve never seen anyone go anywhere other than the Apple Rose Grill. On another note why don’t they ever put on comfortable clothing for these late night meetings?  So many questions.  Cut to the final scene- we see a black glove loosening a bolt on scaffolding.  I would take a guess who this was meant to hurt but I don’t have to because the scenes from next week show Toby falling.  I wouldn’t mind losing him but I doubt we will.

Until next week—-got a secret can you keep it? 

My mom is back. She’s a big fan of Caleb. Here you go…

Apparently I have the attention span of a gnat. Last season my life revolved around what the little pretties were up to. The show had to be watched the moment the DVR stopped recording. I may even have been guilty of hitting the start button a few times before the recording even ended, knowing I could catch up and end up watching part of the show like animals.  That being said, I still have not watched the first episode of the winter season. I can’t seem to find that lovin’ feeling.  

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It’s 3:07am and Emily is tossing and turning like she’s trying to keep from getting bed sores. It seems “A’s” full court press on her is working. Luckily, she’s awake to receive an early morning text from everyone’s favorite prankster. Emily doesn’t share the text with us, she works on keeping the bed sores away until 5:15am when she creeps out of Hannah’s bedroom as if she is Edward remembering she must get to Bella before the sun comes up. Hannah is awaken by Emily starting her car and she jumps out of bed like Mary Lou Retton’s vault dismount. I give her a 6.5 at best, if she had been in a leotard instead of a sweater and jeans that score would have gone up. Why is she sleeping in what appears to be the most uncomfortable outfit ever? Hannah, just because you are sharing a room with a girl that likes girls doesn’t mean you have to dress like an Eskimo. She has seen you in your best whore clothing and hasn’t jump your bones, I’m pretty sure you’re safe. Seeing Emily driving away, Hannah tries calling her cell. Bad news, Emily left her phone in her book bag. Hannah looks at the phone—you know the drill, crazy eyes and head spinning. I don’t know if she saw the text or is just in total disbelief that a teen (as you can tell I’m not sure what age they are) left the house without her phone. Of course, she calls the other little pretties at 5:15am to tell them Emily has flown the coop. I think we all know Hannah would be good and pissed if Spencer or Aria awakened her from her beauty sleep that early in the morning. Anyway, they all meet at Hannah’s to put that fierce brain power to work.  Aria, says, “Guy’s all her clothes are here do you think she did something crazy?” To most of the free world that would mean suicide, but to pretty little Aria that means “like jump in her car and burn rubber until she hits Texas.”  Spencer says “not without her phone”. So that settles that, the only crazy thing she has done is leave her phone. We see that Emily is out for jog while Spencer, Aria and Hannah discover the text. It’s a picture of Aria and Mr. Fitz in a lip lock. To be honest I can’t tell if it’s Mr. Fitz’s or Jason (old eyes) but Spencer gets all indigent about Aria’s mom thinking she is the student (slut) having a fling with Mr. Fitz’s so I am going to assume it it Ezra. The text says, “Clue Ella in and I will let you out. -A”. The jog has cleared Emily’s head and she is ready to spill her guts to Dr. Anne Sullivan PH.D. Emily knocks on her door and says “I’m ready to tell you everything.” Dr. Anne says, “Good. Come join us.” Don’t be afraid, it’s not Jenna and crew, but the other little pretties.  Hannah drills Emily about why she didn’t wake her up to talk instead on leaving.  She knows how you feel about your sleep. The girls seem to forget Pudge the doctor is in the room and Emily says she knows she is the weakest link and doesn’t want her friends to be knocked down because of her. They convince her they are all in this together. Dr. Anne wants to know know what they’re talking about…who is trying to knock them down? Spencer spills. Spencer says someone has been trying to hurt them for a very long time. The doctor wants to know when the texts began, Emily says before Allison died. Aria says at first they thought they were coming from Allison, of course they did because she was such a lovely person. Then they continued after her death. Anne wants to know if they know who is doing it. It seems like Hannah is about to say Jason when Spencer gives Aria a look and says we have been wrong before. Spencer says “A” is good at making people look guilty. That’s an understatement—“A” is better than OJ’s dream team at making others look guilty. Now that I think about it, the gloves “A” wears are just like the gloves OJ wore when he “didn’t” commit murder. If he wasn’t servicing time for stupidly I would have him my list of  ”A” suspects.

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Note: Please excuse the lateness of this post. (Also, don’t tell my mother. Luckily she doesn’t even read this site so she won’t know I’m posting it nearly a week after she slaved away writing it.) I haven’t had internet for a week. It’s like being a homeless. 

Episode 10 begins with the girls at school and I think FINALLY the writers have realized they should at least pretend these girls actually take classes and are not just dropping by for the coffee and free breakfast entitlement program.  To be honest the only one I think is taking advantage of our tax dollars “at work” is Emily.  It seems I was wrong, they have just dropped by for a gab feast.  Everyone wants to talk about Jason.  Starry eyed, I can’t stop having sex dreams about hunky Jason. He wants to talk about the kiss.  Emily,  so shocked by the kiss starts telling Aria about the darkroom and all the photos of Aria sleeping or drugged, she says. It matches Spencer and the scolding of Aria really begins. That girl thinks she is their mother and don’t even get me started on the outfit she is wearing.  These girls need a dress code more than Britney Spears Alexander Federline Spears. At least they wear shoes and so far none of them have shaved their head so we can be thankful for that.  Aria storms out agreeing with Spencer and Emily that Jason is dangerous and she will have nothing to do with him.  When pigs fly!  

It’s college fair day.  Looks like Emily is the only little pretty that will be attending.  Aria has stormed off to go confront Jason about the pictures. Spencer is going to pack up all of Ian’s things before Melissa returns home and Hannah, well who knows we haven’t seen her yet.  I’m sure she is trying on all her dresses to make sure she is wearing the shortest one and all that makeup takes a village.  Again, good thing their school has zero rules. While pouring her alphabet cereal Emily realizes all the letters are A’s.  Never a good sign.  ”A” has left a message for Emily in the cereal—The weak link is the easiest to break! Snapping yet?-A.  Note to manicurist on set,  I like the green nail polish but HD really shows the bubbles.  Might need to do a better job.  Also, I didn’t mention it last week but Hanna’s were chipped.  Just saying!!  Poor Emily, I feel bad for her, no family, no girlfriend, no real home, the juicing thing hanging over her. I can see why “A” would think she is the weakest link.  I’m not sure I agree with “A” but we shall see.  Even pleasers have a breaking point and when that happens there will be hell to pay.  Hanna has finally appeared and boy was I wrong. Girl looks like a train wreak.  A train wreak in full make up.   She and her mom are discussing her fathers wedding and her mom is really taking the high road this time.  Nice job, Ashley.

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One of the things that drives me crazy about PII’s is each week they spend the first few minutes giving us an overview of the last episode as if they are going to start where they left off. Does that ever happen? You bet it doesn’t. They just want us to remember all the mysteries still unanswered so they can add a few more.  The writers are too good to us. I think the “Lost” writers moved to ABC Family and are doing the teen version it. Seriously, this mini-season is almost over and I for one, want some answers. It was good to get another look at the person under the sheet in the morgue. On further review I think it is a female. Small frame and what appears to be small boobs, yea yea, I know some men have boobs but they are usually not small framed men. One good thing did come out of this rant. I paused the DVR and when I looked up I was mesmerized by a spooky eye with at least of pound of glitter on it. Good thing she didn’t need to use that eye all that glitter would be much worse than a spec of anything on a contact and I think we all know how much that makes us want to scratch our eyes out. Is this a new opening or have I never noticed what they did to Allison’s cold dead body to get her ready for her final review?  This should be a ‘How To’ video for transvestites and hookers.  

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